Hi Tiggywinkle,

yes I remember you because you wrote a beautiful letter to your husband. I have taken a leaf from your book and written something for my husband - not sure whether I will pop it in the coffin or just keep it to refer to later on.

Thanks for you lovely words - it was a very long battle which we both fought as a team. He is at peace now but I am left emotionally and physically drained. Hope you’re doing okay and managed to find a new path?

Much love 

SaraJo xxx

Thank you so much for your reply KellyD1982 it sounds like your family have had a similar experience as us. My two daughters who are in their early twenties have been a great support but obviously they’ve lost their lovely dad so are struggling themselves. We can only take each day as it comes and be kind to ourselves. It’s Stu’s funeral tomorrow so that’s our chance to make him proud. Much love and take good care of yourself x

Hi SaraJo,

I just wanted to send you a message to check on you as I read your last post and noticed it was your husbands funeral on Thursday, I hope you and your daughters are ok as can be and you were able to give your wonderful husband a send off he deserved. I know you will be feeling very numb right now and  are wondering how you got through the whole funeral and arrangements, this is totally normal!

Stay very close to each other as this will be the time all your feelings and pain will really surface,and it won’t feel real. Keep posting on here when you feel strong enough as there is a lot of support from us all that have been where you are now.

I am sending you lots of love and prayers for you and your family, to deal with grief you have to go with it and not fight it! I keep telling myself how lucky I was to have a wonderful marriage of 29 years, and an amazing kind and gentle man in my life who I was so proud of.

Take good care of yourself,

Debbie 51 xxx

Thinking of you Thursday...

Now comes the even harder part .. when everything tries to look "normal" but nothing is ... I'm hoping you've got a big support network now ... lots of hugs needed for a long time yet ... 

Give yourself permission to feel whatever it needs to .. one day at a time ... sounds too hard  .. but it's just like baby wanting to walk but needing strong hands to hold it up, while taking tiny wobbly steps ... then oh so slowly ... you'll get through that day .. just a day ... hold on to Ruth... she's been there .. still there in a lot of ways... two people holding on together... 

I'm here too any time ...  sending a big caring hug ...  Chrissie  

Thank you Debbie 51, the funeral went well in the end although it was very emotional. It has hit me like a sledgehammer this week and I’ve cried buckets. The thought of never seeing him again or having a cuddle or a chat with him is overwhelming! Somehow I have got to find a way to move forward without him which will be hard but I have my girls so I will get there eventually I’m sure.

Hi SaraJo

It is good to hear from, and I’m glad the funeral went as well as can be, i’m sure you gave him the send off he deserved, it is the last physical thing we can do for them.

All your pain and emotions will surface for some time, it’s what happens when you loose your True love.

SaraJo don’t look too far ahead as you need to go through this process and everyone’s grief is different, there really is no time limit it has to be done by! With lots of support and good friends you will see some light one day, but probably not for a while.

It is 1 year today I lost my husband and although i’m not anyway near accepting he is no longer here with me, I am adjusting to thinking for just myself. I miss him terribly and as time goes on I do miss him more, but I try and think of what he would be doing where ever he is now, and I know he isn’t in pain, working so hard to support me and not worrying about anything anymore, so I believe he must be in a better place than i am!!

I am thinking of you loads, and sending lots of love, just go with what ever you feel and take care of yourself.

Debbie 51xx

Hi Debbie 51

Thanks for your message. I have just come home after a long walk with my golden retriever Barney and we stopped off at Stu’s grave. The flowers still look lovely. It is surreal and difficult to accept as he was too young but I know I will have to find a way. I am going to do a phased back to work from Monday - just part time for the first few weeks. This will help me to get a sense of normality.

I do hope that you get through the Anniversary okay and get a sense of peace. I just feel totally dead inside - he was the love of my life! 

Sending love

SaraJo xx

Hi SaraJo,

I remembered you this evening, and looked back at the posts and read you were planning to return to work this week, if you still are,as I know what we think the right thing to do one day may not be tomorrow, I just wanted to wish all the best.

Remember you are only human and all your friends and colleagues will try to be helpful, but sometimes you are not as strong as you think so be kind to yourself and go with how you feel.

I have got through the anniversary of my husbands passing this week, I have only 1 more anniversary which will be the funeral on the 10th of this month and I will have got through a whole year of all those dates that mean so much and the dates that I wish I didn’t have to remember!

It has been a difficult time and my life will never be the same without him,I just wish I could still care and fuss over him like I used too, if only the love of someone could keep someone alive, then my husband would still be here! 

Sarajo, I will be thinking of you, please take care of yourself, 

lots of love,

Debbie51 xx

Hi Debbie51,

Thank you for thinking of me - yes will be going into work tomorrow. It will be part-time to begin with. Fingers crossed I don’t break down! 

Yes I agree that if love could keep them alive they would still be here! I miss Stu so much it hurts my heart! Well done to you for getting through the last year and caring about others too!

Life can be so very cruel can’t it?. Sending you a big heartfelt hug! 

Sara xx