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Dad has died from Glioblastoma stage 4

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I don't know where else to go,

My dad got diagnosed with stage 4 glioblastoma in April 2017, I've got myself an older and younger brother, as well as mum.

He passed away in January this year (2019)

Because of the personality changes done to him due to the illness I can no longer remember the man that he used to be, I of course spent as much time with him as possible whilst he was ill, but through doing that I saw his good days and his worst days.

I'm 22 years old and now after spending so much of my time caring for him and spending time with him, I find my own life empty and without meaning, now that he's gone, I'm terrified about what road my mental health is taking me down.

I can't speak to family about it without feeling guilty as they are going through the exact same thing.

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    Hi

     

    First of all, just remember you're not alone. You said yourself you've got an older and younger brother, as well as you're mum, and besides all that, you've got many others out there who are going through the same thing you're going through, have been through what you're going through, or are about to go through what you're going through. 

    My dad is only 56 and he's entering his final months of his life after being diagnosed with stage 4 Pancreatic Cancer. Even typing that sentence still seems surreal. I'm bracing myself for the inevitable and I fear what my life will be like without my dad. A man who's not only my dad, but my best friend.

    Ill struggle. I'll never be able to get over. But I believe I will learn to deal with it. In time. 

    One thing I know for sure, is that my dad would want me to continue my life, a life he built for me, and fill my life with as much happiness as possible. 

    I'm sure yours would want the same. 

    You're life definitely has meaning. You've got family. You've got your dad's spirit living on in you. It's time to make your own memories, in the memory of your father if that makes sense. 

    Go and live your life like he would want you to. 

    You should never feel guilty about talking to family. We all grieve in different ways. Communicating with them will help them understand the way you are grieving and maybe they can offer some words or wisdom and advice. 

    Keep your chin up high. You're not alone in this whatsoever.

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    Hi there - this is very, very sad for you & you are clearly struggling with it all. You say you can't remember your dad how he was before he was ill & of course that's what you want to do. I don't think this is an uncommon feeling & I hope you will believe me when I tell you that in due course that will change & you WILL remember him in the way you want to.

    You also say you are worried about your mental health - in a way sweetie that's not a bad thing because it shows you are very aware that there is a problem & it's one you should do your best to sort out. Do please make an appt. with your GP & tell him/her just how you are feeling. S/he will understand & will offer you some help - perhaps some counselling or some medication for a little while until you get over the worst of it.

    If things get very bad in terms of your mental well-being do ring the Samaritans they are extraordinarily good listeners & will completely understand how you are feeling. Don't be embarrassed to ask for help just as you have here. Lots of us have been in that dark place where you are & will help & support you whenever you post. 

    You aren't alone in this dark tunnel - people will hold your hand & help you to where there is some light if you tell them you can't quite find your own way out. Love & a warm shoulder always here. x

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