Hi

I have just gone 36 years old.

The loss that I’ve experienced within the lay 4 years has been horrific as within 4 years weve  lost most of our family :(  including half of our home :( 

The  biggest and hardest blow was my soul mate, my fiancé of 19.5 years and the man  whom  I have spent everyday with since I was 16 years old, then after he passed away the day of his funeral we lost our family pet stitch it was horrific.

it started with my fiancé’s father BOB who was rushed home from Soudi (he worked as an engineer out there)

sadly he had lung cancer and only had weeks left to live it was diagnosed in the very late stages  :(Bob was only home approx a week when he was taken from us,  then in September 2018 we lost my fiancé’s mother who was only 59.  Then one month later my Aunty whom I was very close too.

i couldn’t believe the loss that was happening  but I didnt  think things could get much worse,  they were about to get “hell on earth worse” our lives wouodnbevwe be the same again.

 Christmas was only around the corner so we decided too put  everything to one side and have a lovely Christmas together,  we couldn’t wait to say good bye to 2018 

all of the pain and loss around us,  but at least we had one another and our gorgeous child :(

On the 15th December we went Christmas shopping and talked about having another baby with so many happy plans for our future together, paul was so sad that he had lost his mum and the fact she was only 59! As this meant that both his mum and dad died so young!!!   If only we had known !!!!

Even after nearly 20 years together we were so in love, when I look back now, why didn’t I treasure him :(   on the Sunday 16th December and only 9 days to Christmas 

paul took his mortobike out for a ride as he felt that this would be his last chance as we would be to busy, he had just left our house when he was hit by an uninsured driver :( paul was over taking a tow of parked cars, he was at the last car when the uninsured driver hit him head on :( 

yes I’ve felt loss, I’ve lost all of my grandparents who I loved dearly and both my in laws but this OMG there isn’t any pain like loosing your soul mate :(

I would love to believe that one day we will be together again 

I would love to believe everytime I fell out som that he’s here that he is 

I’ve been to the spirit church and I’ve had one to ones 

but if my paul was really there then there’s wouldn’t be all the guessing games 

I’ve tried to make it earlier for the medium by asking 

do you see them? Do you hear them or do you just get images 

and hoping they would say that they just get images 

sadly no they say that they do all 

but If  this was true then you would know concrete things and not just things that would relate to many people 

one medium I made the mistake of messaging via Facebook, I had been told that he was brilliant and he was attending our local church a few months later 

upon arrival he came to me first and he m we pauls full name, how he had had died etc he knew his profession etc then it dawned on me that he had gained all this info from my profile :( 

luckily it was free but I don’t need to hear a made up read 

I need to know it’s my paul