hello, I am so so sorry and just wanted to let you know you’re not alone...I have just lost my husband and I too feel it’s totally surreal. It was horrific to watch my best friend be systematically dismantled by cancer, so I know it’s real, I’ve seen exactly how real, but it still doesn’t quite compute. I’m curious to know how this will change...

But I am so glad I was able to be there and hold his hand to the very end. No doubt your presence meant the world to your brother...he was not alone & you supported him amazingly despite your own fear. I’d be so proud if you were my sibling.

It’s traumatic in every way, I feel random waves of icy fear and haven’t quite worked out what this feeling is yet!!! It’s overwhelming, so my plan is to be kind to myself and not really expect anything for a while. One step at a time, just get through until the next cry, then to the end of the day.

Yesterday today was just too much day, but today I am handling it ok.

sending you great big hugs and a tiny beam of light into your darkness :)

There really aren't words for the early days of grief like this. It's just feels totally ubearable I know, but bearing it you are even tho' you don't think so. That's what's amazing about people - just how much we do bear despite the awful anguish. Hope you know that people understand & care & that the cliche time heals all wounds is true. Keep plodding through that dreadful tunnel & one day maybe sooner than you think, there will be some light - maybe only a little at first, but it will be there.

Thoughts are with you. xx