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Finding it hard losing mom

George81
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My mom died on 24th feb 6 weeks after we found out she had cancer. It’s been 4 months now and although I recognise my grief has changed from those first few days it’s been getting harder, not easier. People around me seem to have lost patience with my grief and are asking what’s wrong with me and why am I so miserable. I can’t believe people can be so insensitive and cruel. I don’t have anyone to talk to because of this. I keep everything to myself. I’ve started drinking at home. I write letters to mom. I really feel bad for dad as they were together 55 years and now he’s on his own, although I try to visit him most days and speak to him on the phone when I can’t. I’ve got mom’s hospital notes including scan pictures and am totally obsessed with looking through them, trying to understand what happened as it was so quick. I want to be with with my mom soon. 

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    Sorry you have lost your mum , your strong leader !! I lost my dad in march , I feel the same as you,  I feel like society see it as , well it's been nearly 4 months now , you must be better .... better ? Wow I want to punch them straight in the face !!! I wake up every day by 4am , nothing keeps me sleeping past then ... have tried  .. as its getting exhausting,  but I feel so dam sad and ridiculously frustrated and angry and there is nothing I can do about it,  nothing,  sometimes I just wish the sky would talk back to me ... 

    Oh and me and wine have a new found friend ship :o 

    We are so dam human mate and we punish ourselves for feeling like it in a way , I dont know how or when the painful side of it all will ease,  I'm waiting but as time is moving along I'm just feeling heavier .  Wasnt ready to feel orphaned but I dont think we would ever feel ready no matter how old we get . 

    Blue skies today sent from above,  I would say take time out look up to the sky, close your eyes and just listen to the nature.. but if you do that today you will get sunburnt lol :/ it's a heatwave so try it tomo maybe , it works for me , not for long but that 5 mins of fizz down is better than nowt :)

     

    And I'm very sorry you are feeling this awful pain and emptiness , I feel your loneliness,  I am never alone but may aswell be , if I tell people I feel so lonely they just dont get it so I've shut up. But my head is a lonely place because it cant find conclusions it cant reason with all that has happened

  • Offline in reply to Rainbowrains

    Tomorrow it will be three weeks since I lost my Mum. She was diagnosed in 2017 and we were told her cancer was gone, then in March this year found it had spread to her liver. We were then told she had years to live, three months later and she’s gone. The pain is just unbelievable. The mornings are awful as I often dream of her and then wake up and burst into tears. I am worried about the long term strain it will have on my boyfriend. He’s been my rock over this last month but he is only human. Things I cared about just don’t bother me in the slightest. Its still early days for us I guess. I’m wondering if there is any thing at all that helps to make it better? A routine, exercise, a pet? Not expecting any magic cures but at the moment I just feel so lonely and lost. 

    Katie

     

  • Offline in reply to KS73

    Thank you Katie and also to Rainbowrains. It feels like all of us who have lost someone are part of some group that we never asked to be part of. We are all going through similar things and are trying to make our ways through it in our own ways. I don’t think there’s anything really that we can do to speed up the grieving process and all we try to do is really mask the intense pain so we can get through each day and try and be like a normal functioning human being. I know what you mean Rainbowrains about wanting to punch people sometimes when they act so insensitivity, I’ve found other people extremely irritating at times and have lost my patience with them. You have some good suggestions Katie and I think getting a pet is a brilliant one, for me I think personally think a dog is great as they get you up and out and stop you from becoming a hermit at home if you’re alone.  But whatever let it is it’s a great comfort and someone to look after and care for. It’s made me realise how different people cope with things. I want to know every single thing about mom’s cancer but dad doesn’t want to know anything. I can see why. We are all trying our hardest, everyone on this forum , and that’s all we can do really. Please look after yourselves. Today I feel perkier than usual but it only takes a split second of thinking about mom and its back to my miserable self. Be kind to yourselves x

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