I don’t know very much about your sons type of cancer but I do know that my mum and dad both took the news of my cancer very hard (I was 35).

My dad went to see a counsellor at McMillan and they really helped him. He was able to share his pain and thoughts with someone without worrying about upsetting them or saying the wrong thing and they also had lots of helpful information for him.

Take care xxx 

 Hello Mum-of _3

So sorry for the situation you are in ,my heart goes out to you

First to all though well done for recognising Anticipatory Grief you are feeling.I only realised I was experiencing this after my husband died after. 14 week battle with an aggressive prostate cancer

I went through all the emotions you did, I used to come home from visiting him in hospital and literally howl with crying , so lonely,woke up feeling someone had been standing my chest or had heavy weight put on it.I even went over in my mind the planning of his funeral and I also cried so many tears than I thought was possible

I tried to explain it to a long standing friend  her reaction was “ well you have got the dog home for company”,needless to say she is not a long standing friend anymore.

I ended up asking for my GP for help as, within 2 weeks I had had very minor accidents in my car , never had one in 40 years!and realise in this state of heightened  awareness I was not helping my husband ,by panicking at each ache and pain he had, thinking it was his last moments alive

I don’t know how you feel about medication but he put me on mild anti depressants , as he said he didn’t want me spaced out as the main driver and carer.It does and still helps  and the emergencies such as rushing him to hospital when he had a temperature after chemo were, albeit only mildly ,less traumatic and I could present a calm face to hime

Hope this helps you in some way

Maddie x

Hello

I'm sorry to hear of this awful diagnosis.

My Mum's cancer returned after being given the all clear a couple of years ago. She passed away last March. Although it's a different dynamic, I can appreciate this awful weight on your shoulders and the emotional turmoil within.

Like you've said, the helplessness and anxiety can be overwhelming and it takes every scrap of strength to remain positive in their company. I feel, like grief, this is a rollercoaster of a time and you'll feel every emotion under the sun in this time, all whilst trying to remain strong for your son.

What helped me with my Mum was trying to focus on the person behind the condition. Although my Mum had cancer, she was still Mum despite her gradually declining health. But all the way through, Mum knew she was loved, and I'm sure your son knows this, and will feel it as you care for him. At the end of the day, if all we have to give and leave people with is love, then that's the most you can do. But it's the biggest thing we can do, despite going through this with your son. And he probably knows this already.

Sending you my best

T

Hi I’m so sorry for what your going through my dad has terminal bile duct cancer and was given 6 months to live in April 2019  I cannot accept it but he’s been left to Macmillan I no I’m gona have a Big Bang when I loose my dad and only if money could buy life I feel helpless to cause there’s nothing I can do I buy him cbd oil to try prolong life and I no it’s a long shot but that’s the only thing apart from god that can help him we just have to take one day at a time and try make as manny memories as you can god bless you your son and all your family x