Hello there. I'm really sorry for your lovely dad's passing. I think you feeling numb is an indication that you're still in shock and disbelief. I know that you're trying to be strong for everyone else but you need to grieve too. Trust me, it will come and come in floods sometimes.  I'm so sorry that you had to witness those last traumatic days however in due time, those terrible memories will fade and you will remember the better days. I'm also sorry that you lost him at such a young age but when I was upset about losing my dad to lung cancer nearly two years ago when I was 34 years old, I  realized that I was fortunate to have him that long. Some people lose their parents even younger than us or never know them at all so we are blessed to have had them for as long as we did. I hope you find peace and comfort in knowing that you will reunite with your dad again. Until then, live your best life and make him proud.

Hey Daisy, 

I'm so sorry you've lost your Dad. You're going through something very tough and yes, it's normal to feel like this, don't worry too much, honestly. Your mind and feelings are still frozen in shock and there's no right or wrong way to feel or how to cope with everything you are going through. There's also no time frame to grieve, even though it might feel like it, give yourself loads and loads of time. 

When I lost Mum I felt there was a road map to grieving out there that everyone else was following and I was in a different head space entirely. It got even stranger in public places like work or out shopping as there was such a disconnect between how the world was around me and how I felt inside. 

I needed someone to steer me through it and found the best people to spend time with were those who had also lost someone themselves. 

Do you have anyone in your circle who knows a little bit about how you are feeling? Having sympathetic people around you, even if it's not to talk but to give you a hug and make sure they have your best interests at heart is really important. They help you through. 

By 'through' I don't mean 'get over and forget' because you never do. I lost Mum 7 years ago and it still hurts but it does, eventually, ease and it does, eventually become something you can cope with. It comes and goes, it gets worse and then better, there will be days when it feels like you are about to burst and then others when you aren't so in touch with it at all. 

About work: I knew someone at work who lost their Mum very suddenly and was back 2 days later. We took her out for a drink a fortnight later, not to get completely plastered but because we wanted her to know we knew she was going through a hard time even though the phones were still ringing and work had to be done...she said it made a difference to her to know she didn't have to pretend it hadn't happened, maybe there's people at your workplace that could do that with you? 

Find the people who make you feel OK about what's happening and are thoughtful and kind. Take all the time you need to feel awful, cry, shut yourself away, listen to music, go for long walks, talk, dance, cook loads of lovely things to eat or write things down. There's no rush....it's very early days, even a year afterwards is still very soon. 

Thoughts to you, take care of yourself. 

Xx