Hey Sarah, 

I'm so sorry to hear about your losing your Mum, it must be so hard for you and your family particularly after having had such a roller coaster with the hope of a Stage 1 diagnosis to where it ended up. You must still be processing the shock of hearing the 'C' word, even Stage 1 is hard to face up to let alone how unfair it is that your Mum is gone. :-/ 

After my mother passed from Endometrial Cancer ( Uterine Cancer ) I scrabbled to understand what had happened because Endo. Cancer also has a reputation of being an 'easy one to beat.' I could not grasp why, when she was diagnosed so quickly after her first symptoms, she was told it had already got to her lymph nodes and even cycles of chemo and radiotherapy didn't work in the end.

It seemed to me that there was what the internet said and then what was happening - the two things were totally different. I completely relate to your asking the question you have, it must be a huge shock to even work out what happened and why, let alone grieve your Mum. 

It's taken ages - I mean years - to wrap my mind around what happened to mine and it's been a journey in and of itself.

I asked for her medical records so I could read them (but don't do this until you are sure you really want to read what's there - think carefully about it as it can be brutal) and to see and speak to the Consultants she saw also. I read up about the disease too. 

She died in a Hospice and they offered the chance to speak to medical staff about treatment and I took them up on it. I didn't do that immediately, it was a year or so down the line but if you are that sort of person who might find those answers helpful, it might be worth doing. I found them enormously helpful, I really did. It stopped part of my mind spinning about some of what had happened and afterwards it settled it that part down. 

I don't know if anyone else feels this but losing someone to Cancer is such a specific, particular illness, there's so much to process and deal with and learn while treatment is happening and also if the worse happens. The most important thing at the moment is that you are OK and coping and have lots of people around who are giving you all the time you need. Maybe you'll find time to have questions answered if you want to, a bit later on...

Thinking of you and sending healing vibes, 

XX