Hi,

I haven't used a forum like this before but felt like I needed to talk. Last September my Mum was diagnosed with very advanced cancer which had started in her esophagus and had spread to her lung and caused a large number of mini tumours in her liver. She had no signs that she had cancer and it hadn't shown up on any blood tests or liver function tests. We didn't see it coming. My Mum was admitted to hospital with what they thought was in infection, it was only when they did a CT scan that it showed up.

I was 30 at the time and my Mum was 64. My parents didn't tell me how advanced it was or that Mum had been told she only had a short time left with no chance of recovery, only possibly chemo to help symptoms. When we found out my younger sister was 7 months pregnant with my Mum's first grandchild.

Mum passed away less than 2 months later and my nephew was born on the day of her funeral. We were devastated.

Now it is 5 months later and although I rationally know my Mum has gone I still can't seem to believe it. I feel alone as my family is small and although I have helped them through this, they are not really looking after me. I feel selfish for thinking about myself but I don't know what to do now. I miss my Mum so much.