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Learning to cope with the loss of my very special Mum.

LizzieH
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Hi my name is Lizzie.

I am new to this forum so please forgive me if I make mistakes.

I have read some of the letters that people have posted and it feels so good to have found this forum and I can talk to people who totally get how I am feeling.

I lost my Mum to cancer on the 23rd February this year we were told four years ago that Mum had very small spots on her lung but because of her age 96 they would not investigate any further what they did say is that it would not be cancer that Mum would die from she did have a serious heart problem so we thought that would be the cause of her passing. We were sadly wrong. Mum's health had been slowly going down for about a year which I found heartbreaking to watch, then two weeks before Mum passed away she took really poorly one of her lung's had collapsed she has sepsis and also had a heart attack she stayed in hospital for six days before being allowed home as they could do no more and Mum was desperate to get home. The week Mum was at home was, to say the least, harrowing watching the person you love so much suffering my Sister, Brother and myself were at our wits end we had tried to get Mum into Myton hospice but they had no bed's free then on Friday 22nd February at midday we had a phone call to say they had a bed for Mum we got her there so so beautiful a place her room was so peaceful and light sadly we had a phone call the following morning from the hospice to say Mum's breathing had changed and could we get there no rush we were told just as we got to Mum's side she passed away. I am crying as I post this she wasn't just my Mum she was my best friend. I know time is a great healer but at the moment it seems a long way off. Sorry, this has gone on so long but I truly know whoever reads this will feel my sadness and understand.

My Mum was truly inspirational.

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    Welcome to the forum Lizzie, I am so sorry for your loss, I understand some of what you're feeling, my mum passed away last September and I miss her terribly, The sadness is hard to bear and your love for you mum shines through in your post, I can imagine you and your siblings were the greatest strength to your mum. The first few months are very difficult and as well as support from family it may be an idea to speak to your GP?

    I am further down this journey and it does become easier to bear but missing our mum's will always be there, you know what people mean when they say they feel broken.It is just a day at a time, I think the first year, the milestones are difficult but you get through them, you have no choice.A colleague said to me "I had the honour of meeting your mum, it's where you get your smile from"....a lovely lady on this forum says that our mum's are safely tucked away in our hearts, I hold onto that.

    Take care and post when you can, people here understand.

    x

     

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    Hello Lizzie,

    I am so sorry for your loss. I can totally understand your sadness as I too lost my dear mum, my best friend and my forever protector. My mum was 58 years old and she passed away in October 2018 after a 6-month battle with kidney cancer (spread to lungs, lymph nodes and bones). Just like you, I was one of my mum's primary caretaker (along with my father and sister). I took her to all of her hospital visits and sat by her side on her last days, so i know how it feels to watch your mum detetriorate over the last few days of her life.

    My first few weeks after her passing were horrendous! I cried all the time...well, what can we expect, our mums were our best friend right? :) Cry all you want, i felt that really helped me. Whenever I thought about my mum, my heart aches so badly, i felt like my life has dimmed and i generally felt like I am in a daze all the time - and when i cry, i feel i am purging all these negativity out and it feeld good. So, give yourself a good cry whenever you need it.

    I too kept hearing about how time will heal...and to be honest, in the first few weeks and months, i kept trying to look for that 'TIME' when i will be healed! LOL...i kept wishing for that 'TIME' to arrive so that I no longer grief so badly. What d'ya know, suddenly, 6 months have passed since my mum passed on. I miss her terribly, but i don't cry as much. I can finally look at the pictures and smile a little bit (i still cry but that's only because i loved her so much!). Give yourself time...easier said than done but you'll find yourself in a better place with time :)

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