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Going back to work after losing my dad

Daisy35
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Hi

My dad passed away last week after a 2 year battle with this horrible disease :( I was with him until the end and those last few days were so traumatic. He was at home and there were delays getting him the pre-emptive medications and the syringe driver, it was just so horrible :(

The first few days it didn’t really hit me, but I saw him in the chapel of rest and it really hit me then. I can’t sleep and am having flash backs to those last few days. My dad wasn’t even 60 and my sister and I are both in our twenties. I can’t get my head round the unfairness of it all :(

My boss has contacted me today to say she presumes I  will be back in work next week, not even asked about the funeral etc. We can’t hold the funeral until the 25th so I had intended going back to work after that we still have lots to sort and I need to be with my family right now. 

Before dad passed away I’d had two weeks off work (unpaid) to help care for him. I’d also had some time off (again unpaid) in January but my dad pulled round then so I went back to work. 

I was just wondering what anyone else in this situation did? Am I being unreasonable to want to stay off until after the funeral? What should I say to my boss?

Any advice would be much appreciated.

Thank you xxx

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    Hi Daisy35,

    So sorry to read about the loss of your dad, I understand how heart-breaking it is. I went to my GP after my beautiful mum passed away, I couldn't sleep but the grief was exhausting, she signed me off for just over 2 weeks which covered the period before and after mum's funeral, I wasn't in any fit state to do any work. The GP said it was acute anxiety and I also shouldn't drive; I couldn't be in a car anyway as felt claustrophobic, grief manifests itself in so many different ways.

    If you can, my advice would be to go to your GP, mine was very understanding.

    Condolences to you and your family at this very sad time.

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    Dear Daisy, 

    Sending love, I've recently been in a similar boat. Everyone is different I know my sister after a few weeks needed the normalness of work but I was the exact opposite. 

    Please find out what your company's compassionate leave policy is and take it all .I expect you work hard for them and this is a point in your life where you need a bit of time and help. 

    Also if financially you are able and want the time off DO NOT pressurise yourself to go back it is hard enough to function to make a cup of tea let alone do a days work and it is so exhausting grief. 

    Your absolute priority is you and if I didn't have a mortgage to pay I would have liked much more than the four weeks unpaid I took afterwards. Although I can now see work did eventually help my grief process and give me a purpose to get up and carry on, you have to go with how you feel and do what you can to protect yourself.

    xxx Thinking of you. I think a chat with the Doctor would be good too. Work can normally wait but you have to look after you now. Xx 

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    Thank you Linda and Rosie.

    Linda - I’m so sorry to hear you lost your mum. How are you holding up now? I took your advice and went to my GP who signed me off sick for 2 weeks and suggested I speak to a counsellor from the hospice. Thank you for your advice, I really do appreciate it.

     

    Rosie - thank you so much for your reply, I really appreciate it. I agree with everything you say. I didn’t feel at all ready to return to work this week, I’m so glad I went to see the GP, she was really helpful. I’m hoping to return to work the week after the funeral but my mum said that’s often when it really hits so I will take each day as it comes. Thinking of you too. How are you doing now?

     

    xxx

  • Offline in reply to Daisy35

    Hi Daisy,

    Thank you for your reply.

    Glad to hear you have some time off from the GP, I think that will be helpful for you at this time and your family. I am having counselling too, you almost feel a failure as most people expect me to have 'moved on' but I just need some help with accepting that my mum isn't here anymore. 

    Truthfully,some days are better than others, people say it's getting used to a new 'normal'; I just came on the site now as my husband is having an operation next week and I just wanted to talk to my mum about it, it literally floors you when I realise that's not possible.

    Sorry Daisy, I'm not much help today....thinking of you for the 25th, I hope in time, you and your family find some comfort in happier memories. Your mum is right, day at a time but whatever you feel and whatever the time-frames, that's normal.

    The care you gave to your dad, he must have been so very proud.

    Take care

    x 

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