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Having trouble dealing with memories from palliative care

00maya90
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Hi everyone, 

Its been about two and a half years since my mom passed away. I am doing ´alright´, I still miss my mom but I have put my life back on track and am busy with work and school. 

However, I noticed that i still have a lot of trouble dealing with memories from the time she was terminal and pretty much since the time she was diagnosed and up till her death. Whenever I remember all the hospital visits and seeing her almost comatose still feels like yesterday and still feels incredibely raw. It feels just like yesterday when I heard the news about the diagnose and whenever I think about any of the moments in between I feel like I am about to have a panic attack (just as I used to have around that time). I dont know how to cope with this. Sometimes I have vivid dreams about me visiting my mom and seeing her in her deteriorated state in hospital, and sometimes the images and memories randomly pop up in my head. 

I was wondering if anyone else feels the same way and do you guys cope with it?:(

 

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    Hi ya ...

    Oh my hunny ... I read a book about blocking bad memories ... think it was a Paul McKenna one .. it really helped me and lots of others ... he says think of the funniest / loving memory of your mum you have .. and when those bad thoughts creep in .... sit down, close your eyes ... relive that memory slowly in your mind .. how she looked , what she said, and how it made you feel ... over and over till the bad memory fades ..  and it takes the raw pain away ...

    Please remember your mum wasn't just those last memories .. she was so much more ... she held your hand, helped you walk .. took you to your first day at school ..  she was a million more memories then those you keep reliving ... cancer wants to make you a victim too ... if all you can remember is the cancer.. it's won ... it wants to keep making you relive what it did .. it took your mum.. don't let it take the good memories ... 

    I've been on my cancer journey.. and l want to be remembered for all the other things ... not cancer ... your mum didn't leave you.. she lives safely tucked up in your heart now .. you are half of her ... she will see through your eyes . ... take her on your journey through life ... that's what I did with my mum ... that's what l want my son and granddaughter to do for me .. because I will live through them ...

    Sending you a vertual hug ... Chrissie

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    Hi I am really sorry that you are going through this. I don’t have any advice as I am in the same boat.  My dad passed away a year ago of lung cancer and I watched him suffocate at the end. I am trying to come to terms with his passing but the only image I ever see is him suffering. Something will just pop into my head and I’m back there again, all I do is instantly try and distract myself with something completely different. I so badly want to remember good things about him but I can’t see my dad without seeing cancer. Cancer is winning the battle at the moment but it won’t let it win the war. It will not destroy the memory of my lovely daddy!

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    Hi

    i totally understand. I lost my mum feb 18 and have found myself drifting back onto this forum sadly no further on. I had counselling through the hospice and I’m currently nearing the end of nhs counselling. Lovely ladies but no help. My house is full of empty photo frames I can’t bear to put pictures in. I struggle to have happy memories of my mum and all I can still remember is her last day. Every happy memory is erased with her last day. I can’t cry or grieve because I can’t accept it. I hate to see how lost and sad my dad is and I don’t like going to their house.

    i’m sorry for going on about me but it’s more for feelings/thoughts  that you maybe experiencing and can relate to. You’re not alone.

    i have been told I have complicated grief. On a positive note I’m currently awaiting a referral for emdr therapy and remaining hopeful it will help. Check it out. 

    Hugsx

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