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How do you cope after losing a parent?

SapphireK
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I lost my Dad on 30th January this year, he was diagnosed with brain cancer on Christmas Eve and died 6 weeks later.  He was only 56.  He was my strong amazing, highly intelligent dad, and yet we all watched him fade away...and he faded so quickly.   I’m totally and utterly heartbroken.  I miss him so very much.  Some days I feel numb, and some I feel every emotion.   The shock and disbelievement is still there, and I still don’t know what to do.  

This is the first time I’ve lost someone close to me, how do you learn to cope after losing a parent?

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    Hi SapphireK

    My heart goes out to you. Your dad was so young. I lost my dad last June. He was 82. TBH age doesn't come into it does it? I don't think you ever get over it, we think our parents are going to be with us forever. I cope by thinking of happy times and there were many. My dad was a gentle giant who would do anything for his family. Now I can think a bit more clearly and I am thankful that dad is not in pain or getting anxious, stressed about his loss of dignity or angry with the world. I am sure your dad knew he was loved very much. I say my dad hasn't gone, he lives in my heart.

    much love to you. Come on here and rant away, we are here for you. 

    C x

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    Hi sapphirek

    Im so sorry to hear about your dad.  I lost my mum 5 weeks ago to breast cancer.  My mum, like your dad, faded away very quickly - she was only diagnosed 3 weeks earlier but her cancer spread very fast and was very aggressive.  I have the same emotions - disbelief, shock, doesnt feel real.  Im finding it hard as ive recently been diagnosed myself - ive had a lumpectomy and sentinel node biopsy which im waiting the results off so im a mixture of emotions - i just burst into tears at random moments but im trying to keep positive.  Sending u a hug and to let u know we are all here for u.  Sue xx

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    Hi there,

    I’m so so sorry to hear about your dad xx 

    i also lost lost my dad to brain cancer very quickly. He was diagnosed on the 6th Jan this year and died on the 2nd March. He was 67.

     

    i still can’t really believe it and it feels so surreal

    but I will follow this post for advice and info.

     

    im sorry I don’t have any answers first hand for you but I’m thinking of you and sending lots of strength and love 

    Lots of people have told me you learn to live with them in your heart, they’re never truly gone - if that makes sense.

    Rosa x 

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    Hi

    I lost my Mum Jan 2017, just four weeks after being diagnosed with Stage 4 Pancreatic Cancer.  The first months were agonising and very painful as I could not get Mum's last month of life out of my head.  Over time I have tried to focus on Mum's life before  cancer as the cancer was such a small part of Mum's life.  I have many photographs of Mum in my house where we are smiling and happy.  I have a memory box and have written down many of the good times we had and memorable events.  I also talk to Mum and let her know how things are going.   Mum used to have quite a few funny little sayings and we often repeat these. Early on in the grieving process I used to get upset that I might forgot Mum but Mum is in my thoughts everyday and we will never forget our lovely Mums.  

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    Hi, I'm so sorry to hear about your dad. My mum was diagnosed with brain cancer in December as well, and passed away by the end of January, similar in age to your dad as well. It all happened so quickly that I am not sure my brain has even comprehended it yet. I try to get by, going to university, seeing friends and doing what my mum would have wanted me to do, but it is bloody hard. I recognise your feelings of numbness some days and other days full of every emotion under the sun. 

     

    I can't really give you much advice as I am in the same position as you, and I have definitely not learned how to cope at all. I just wanted to let you know that you are not alone. And let yourself feel whatever you need to feel. Sometimes I burst out crying in the most random places in public, other days life feels utterly meaningless, and some days I feel weirdly OK, like it hasn't even happened - until it hits me again the next day. I often have nightmares involving my mum, and get flashbacks to the time at the hospital when it was all happening. I think your brain only take in as much as you can handle, bit by bit.

     

    My only advice for you is to be kind to yourself and talk to people. I know it's hard to lean on friends and partners as they can't even comprehend what you are going through, but it helps to talk about it, and let them be there for you in any way they can. I also think about my grief as something that I am not meant to get over, but something that in time I will learn to live with, and hopefully all the horrid memories from the hospital will fade away and I will be left with only good ones, of my happy healthy mum. Thinking of that helps me some days when I feel utterly hopeless. 

     

    Sending you lots of love xx

  • Offline in reply to rose456

    Thank you all for your replies.  It’s been a hard few weeks but I’m trying to self help.  I’ve taken up running again and I have stopped drinking, which was making things worse.  

    I miss my Dad so much, and it saddens me that he won’t see his grandchildren (my children) grow.  

    Life can be so cruel and I feel totally robbed.  I also feel robbed that we never properly got to say goodbye, brain cancer robbed us of him being able to communicate properly in his last 6 weeks, he suffered memory loss, and was highly confused.  It was so hard seeing my brave, strong, incredible Dad like that :( 

     

     

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