Hi, 

i lost my mum to metastatic Renal Cancer on the 25th February. This was also her birthday. She’d just turned 62. 

She was in a hospice. Where she’d been 5 days prior to this. 

Mum had been initially diagnosed 7 years ago. It was being controlled until last November when it was advised the treatment is no longer working. We went on to give mum the best couple in months we could. But come January she’d started to deteriorate quite quickly. We didn’t really see it as much as others as we were with her most dats but it soon became a horrible pattern of people commenting how much she was deteriorating. Then she got taken to the hospice. 

We didn’t leave her side. I slept in the chair beside her every night. 

And although I knew she was in a hospice for a reason I never really fully took it in. 

Mum gradullay got weaker, sleeping more, no appetite, no bowel movements, slurred speech, and yet we still couldn’t see the imminent signs at the time. 

I expected there to be more time, I expected when the time came that mum would be in a sedated state for at least a few days before she passed so we could be prepared. 

But of course this didn’t happen, 

middnight cake of the day entering her birthday and we sang her happy birthday, she sang it back to herself! From then on, her comfort became worse, her pain worse and her consciousness not really there, we sat up with her all through until the morning with the nurse coming in every hour to up her pain meds. It was horrible to watch mum this way as she was always so strong we saw it as her continued fight to the end. It got to 6:30 am and mum was still breathing but in a much calmer state so we , on the chairs beside her fell asleep too. At 7:30am we were woken by the nurse telling us mum has passed away. 

We were/are crazy distraught. We waited up all night to make sure we were with her. We thought we’d get an hours kip then continue to be with her for the day/night until her time came. We did not expect it to be that quick. I wanted to hold her hand. To say goodbye. I was asleep beside her in a chair.