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I'm losing my Mum

SophieD
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I'm new to this but the main thing I want to do is ask the question: How am I supposed to come to terms with the fact I'm going to lose my mamma bear? :cry: 

I'm 26, my mum turned 50 last October, she has been fighting non small cell lung cancer for the last year and it has now spread, with tumors on her back and in her abdomen. 

She's my soul mate, I can feel my heart breaking in two just seeing her in pain and knowing that we are gradually losing her. I want to be strong, I want to be able to come to terms with the fact.. but I can't. I genuinely don't know what to do, I'm numb, if I'm not crying it's because I've switched my brain off and gone into autopilot - I try and stay strong in front of her so much but as soon as she starts crying I can't stop myself.

I have so many people around me who want to help and be there for me but I've just pushed them all away :(

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    I am so sorry to hear this, you are so young as Well, my mum died last year and it's truly awful, yes you have to try and be strong for her, I tried I helped and looked after my mum but then I lost the daughter thing and became a carer I cried so much helping her it was the hardest thing I've ever had to do if I cried in front of her, she would tell me I'm making it worse. You will break inside but they are trying to get through this and you being there and positive for your mum will help her so much, you are just so young I worry for you, I'm 42 and I've struggled since she passed so much   have you got a dad how is he doing, give your mum lots of kisses and cuddles I regret not doing that because I didn't realise she was so close to dying, I feel so sorry for you and your mum I hate this cancer it's the worst thing I've ever known it completely shatters lives, I hope you are o.k. but I know your not please try and get support off your family and spend as much time with your mum as you can x

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    Hi there ...

    So so sorry ... l was like you at first with my cancer .. pushed everyone away because my brain was overwhelmed. . But I cried it out .. then came back stronger ... I'm sure your mum will find comfort in sharing tears .. hugs ... and just chatting ... she may want to say things that are hard to hear ... but you'll be gratefull you listened ... 

    Once I let people in, i coped so much better .. l lost my mum and she was my best friend too suddenly with a heart attack and had no chance to even say those things like I was so proud to have had her as my mum ... what I'd have given for just one more hour ... 

    This is one of the hardest things we go through in life ... but remember, you are half of her ... she made you ... so all I can say is hold on to every minute ... leave nothing unsaid ... and know it's o.k to feel angry or cry ... we all need our mum's .. no mater how old we are ... be kind to your self ... and try and reach out, so others can hold your hand through this .. they can't make it go away .. but they can walk with you ..while you hold your mum's hand ... sending you a vertual hug.... Chrissie xx

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    I am so sorry to hear your sad news about your mum. I’m 28 and 2 & half weeks ago now my mum got told she had months to live with bone cancer that is spreading very quickly around her body.

    I cannot come to terms myself being without her, I have 3 beautiful children one of them only being 9weeks. 

    The things that have helped me so far is spending as much time as I can with her, telling her I love her, hugging her & trying to stay as positive as possible. Hope is always possible. Enjoy what time you have left & don’t see it as being sad times, smile & laugh.

    i feel your pain & I hope you get through it, just the same as me.

    L x

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    hiya,iv just come accross your post.

    iv also just lost my mum to this dreaded lung cancer ‘thing’ on january the 11th. 

    im 28 she was only 43 (she had me very young) im also and only child! like you,my mum is my best friend!! she was being tested for 5 months and it went undetecte,then in november she had 2 seizures (out the blue) so of course we took her to hospital,to which it all cam out that she har secondry brain tumours of lung primary,which totally shatterd our world! At the same time they also said she had 4-6 weeks left and that they wont be offering her treatment as it was way to advanced already! 

    We took her home,myself and my dad gave up work and cared for her 24/7 until the very end.it was the worst yet best thing iv ever done! On time i also went into auto pilot! 

    in regards to your emotion rollercoater..it is all very very normal,it sounds to me you may have mentally started the grieving process,which is also very very normal. research anticipatory griefe! you may find you can relate.

    Dont ever fight your feelings as it only makes it worse,if it upsets your mum,try your harsest to cry away from her!

    kiss her,hug her and spend time just sat with her,even if it is in silence. i can promise that in weeks/months to come you will regfleft on every second and you will find great comfort in know you was just ‘there’

    Theres no instructions with looseing a parent,i wont lie to you it is awful..but if there is one bit of advice i can give you and thats dont think past the moement,take each day/emotion as it comes!

    i dont know if you are arware but the final days of cancer can be very upsetting for families,do your research and accept all the support that you can!

    i wont lie to u,this is a life changeing experience for you,but somethint just ‘happens’ and you find the strengh  to get through it! 

    my thoughts are very much with you,we are more or less the same age and so are our mums,so i totally understand!

    sending you all the strengh in the world!

    youve got this girl!

    x

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    I am so sorry to read your post and have read other reponses. I agree with others, having lost my mum suddenly to a heart attack, four weeks ago, I would urge you to do everything you feel you need to do. Spend every moment, say what you have to say leave nothing unsaid. Make happy memories where you can I did and it does help in a small way. I had no warning, no time to prepare as many others have posted and this leaves you with such regret, tortuous emotions of what you would have done if you had known.

    My thoughts are with you x 

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