Hi

8 years ago my Mum was diagnosed with a Pancoast Tumour on her right lung. We where all devastated, especially when they told us that they couldn't operate & that she was terminal. Over 30 years ago, my Mum had a tumour removed from her gullet.

After a high intense dose of Radiotherapy for 2 1/2 weeks, my Mum's Tumour had shrunk & stayed that way! And after 5 years of wonderful care at the Beatson Cancer Centre, my Mum was discharged! Her consultant told her to "go away & live her life"! And that's exactly what she did! 

My Mum & I did everything together, I took her to all her hospital appointments, we went to Spain on holiday at least 3 times a year, we went to shows, the theatre, concerts, shopping or just even costing up in bed & watching the TV. 

3 years ago, we awoke one morning to my Mum having seizure in her bed, to cut a long story short, my Mum had her thyroid medication stopped by her go for 6 weeks and this resulted in my Mum almost losing her life. We where told 4 times, by 3 different Doctors that she wasntwgoung to make it! She was placed on a ventilator and an inducedicoma and after a week, she managed to get off the ventilator. Unfortunately, she then contracted a chest infection and ended up back on a ventilator, she then had sepsis phenomena & MRSA. They just couldn't get her off the ventilator, but after 5 weeks of ups and downs, she eventually got off it & got home 2 days before Christmas! It was the best Christmas ever!!! In the April, she was sunning herself in Spain! She just never gave up, such a fighter!! DontD get me wrong, times where hard for my Mum, shedshave good & bad days, the bad days would be shedsget up from bed & lay on the couch all day as she was so exhausted the majority of the time. Good days would be us going for lunch or the shops.

Fast forward to 20th December 2018. My Mum was a bit rubbish, breathing not that great, but when I asked her if her breathing was ok she would always say it was fine & that she was feeling fine , just the usual tired. My gut told me no, so I took her to A & E and they admitted her with a chest infection. She was in hospital over Christmas & her birthday which was on Boxing Day. But started the New Year at home, which was great. While she was home, she was never that great, more sleepy than normal, more bad than good days, but when asked, would always she she was feeling fine, just tired. On 29th January, I rushed my Mum to A&E, she took really unwell, really quickly. When I took her to A&E, they rushed her straight through to resus. They told us that her sats were 70% she was on oxygen & was very poorly. They started her on IV antibiotics. She was really sick, but responding to treatment & when we left her in the hospital on the Wednesday night,  they where talking about reducing her oxygen. I received a phone call from the hospital on the Thursday to say that the Doctors had been round and where wanting a chat with me regarding the plan to her care. By the time I'd arrived, the nurse told me that my Mum had deteriorated in the last 20 minutes & didn't have long to go! I just couldn't believe it. I held my MumsMhand & told her how much I loved her, how much my Dad & brother loved her & that she was the best Mum I could have ever wished for. Then she was gone, just like that.................

It turns out she had Sepsis phenomena and was to be transferred to HDU.

I"m now struggling hugely with my Mum not being here, I still live at home, so saw my Mum everyday in life. The hardest thing is seeing her empty chair. The longest I had gone without seeing my Mum, was 2 weeks. She was my whole world, I just miss her so much, I miss her hugs, I miss her cheeky face & I miss seeing her. I thought initially I was doing ok, but last week & this week I just can't seem to stop crying, I just want to lay in my bed & not speak to anyone. I can't face going out to the shops, cause that just reminds me of my Mum. But I have this overwhelming feeling of guillt. That I am doing things without my Mum. Even silly things like watching a TV programme that she watched. I feel so guilty that she can't watch it either.

I'm sorry if this post is very long, but I just wanted everyone to know my Mum's amazing journey & that despite my Mum being terminal, we where so lucky to have 8 wonderful years with my amazing Mum xx