Hi all,
I’m new to the group. I can’t believe im here... life was normal and fine 3 weeks ago however we lost my beloved mum to ovarian cancer on 6th Feb. She’d been ill for 2 weeks beforehand with a suspected water infection but when the antibiotics failed to clear it up, she was admitted to hospital on 4th Feb. My Dad, my husband and I settled her in the the night, went home and naively returned the next day expecting her to be a bit more alert than she’d been when we left her the night before. Both my dad and I were shocked to find her in a state of delirium, not able to communicate and looking a lot worse than when we’d left her the day before. Shortly after arriving, a doctor called us to a private room. We knew that wasn’t going to be good news.
The doctor explained that my mum had dangerously high calcium levels which could be caused by 1 of 3 possible scenarios. Unless they could reduce the calcium levels though, they couldn’t run scans etc to find the problem and we were warned the next 24-48hrs were critical. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. We decided not to tell her what the doctor had told us (we weren’t sure she was able to understand us by this point anyway) and tried to put on a brave face in front of her.
When we returned the following day, she looked worse again. She looked frail to the point that her rings were looking looser on her fingers. It broke my heart to see her like this. Again the doctor pulled us to one side and broke the news that mum wasn’t responding to their efforts in reducing the calcium levels. 3 hours after we arrived, I watched as my mum took her last breath. She’d had her eyes closed the entire time we’d been with with her that day but in the minutes before she left us, she opened them as I told her I loved her. Ive replayed those final few minutes over and over in my head since it happened, even having a dream about it that evening. I’m an only child and aside from my dad, I have no other blood relations left from our small family. None of us knew mum had ovarian cancer - even mum - so this was an extra blow. I feel like we’ve had no time to prepare for this before she’s been taken from us and have so many questions that’ll never be answered. Mum and dad were married for 48yrs and at 80 yrs old, im now petrified every time he goes out the house in case something happens to him.
Mums funeral is tomorrow and I’m dreading it. I’m not ready to say goodbye. It all feels so final. My dads talking about selling her car etc but it all seems too soon for me! Too much is changing too quickly!
I feel so alone at the moment and dont want to talk to my husband or dad about how I’m feeling as they’re both so ‘bull in a china shop’ with their approach to things that I don’t think they’d understand.
Sorry for the essay - just wanted to get all of this off my chest!
Tania x
