Hello Faye 

 I am so sorry to hear of your dad‘s death. I’m not surprised you are struggling. You are so young to lose your dad, and he was no age at all was he?   I can only empathise with you, both my parents are still very much alive and kicking so I have no direct experience of what you are going through but I do understand the loss of a loved one to cancer. It is all consuming sometimes isn’t it? Your mind jumps from disbelief to the awful pain of reality.  Sometimes it just takes my breath away and I struggle to control my tears.  It must be so, so hard for you. 

I can’t really help with your dad’s medical teams timescale either. I would strongly suggest that you make an appointment to go and see them if you are at all concerned. They may be able to explain why it took so long to get the results back to you. That said, if you are not your dad’s next of Kin you may have to take your mum (?) With you.  

This is my very personal opinion, based on my experience but I thank goodness that my husband died relatively quickly after he was given the terminal prognosis (2 1/2 months). I would never have wanted him to suffer longer than he did and I know at the end he was grateful to die peacefully and pain-free. It’s Not much but it does bring me some comfort to know that it is what he wanted.

 I think what is important now is coming to terms with your loss, that is going to take a long time my dear, things will slowly but surely get a little easier. The dips are still very very deep for me but they are a little less frequent and don’t last quite so long.  I don’t think there should be any expectation that you are going to “cope”. Everybody grieves differently and the danger is we put so much pressure on ourselves  to function as normally as possible that we don’t let the grieving process work through. 

 Please take care of yourself Faye. Try and find a little bit of positivity in every day. Even if it’s just seeing the tulips crocuses and snowdrops  coming up. It’s heartbreaking because our loved ones can’t see them any more but it is the circle of life and they are so beautiful .  

Ruth xxx

Thank you so much for taking the time to reply Ruth, it’s very true that one second you just can’t believe it’s real and the next uncontrollably sobbing and feel like the pain will never end. Yeah my Mum is next of kin but think we will definitely look into that just to find answers and closure. I’m sorry for your loss too. I know what you mean though I do find comfort in the fact that my Dad did not suffer for long and in the end it was very quick which was a lot kinder for him. Thank you, I know it’s just so hard for people who have never experienced grief who expect you to be over it and cope. Thank you, I am really trying to find a little bit of happiness in every day x

Thank you so much for taking the time to reply Rosie! It really does do something to your brain, it’s so true, I really  don’t think the same since my Dad died, I completely understand I find myself nearly on a daily basis thinking about what my Dad is missing out on whether it’s a tv programme, good news, a sunny day or my hardest is the thought that when I have children he’ll never get to meet them! It’s just so awful! Aww no bless you that is so quick! You just can’t get your head around it all! The doctor was so positive about my Dad so we never dreamt we’d lose him so quickly or at all really! You’ve honestly just taken the words out of my mouth with how people think you should be and how you actually feel! It’s so true! Everyone expects you just to be fine since you’ve ‘had your time to grieve’ and week by week friends drop off and stop texting you! It’s funny how 2 months on I’d appreciate an ‘are you okay’ text more than a week after my Dad died! But people quickly forget and because they get on with their life they expect you to do the same! But no I can’t because I’ve lost my best friend and hero so my life will never ever be the same again!

Thank you and sending you a huge hug too xxx