Sorrybfor your loss too,

I hope so , that's what gives me some comfort hoping he is still around. I've never known pain like it , he was only 32 xx

Cancer truly is evil, 32, I'm so sorry to hear that. 3 years younger than me. It's such an evil illness.

He will be with you every step of the way, right beside you. The pain is brutal I know, I feel like I've been hit by a truck. 

Worst is feeling like nobody understands, which is why I've came here I guess. If ever you want to talk just say the word x

He was 6 years younger than me. Your mum was young too. She is definitely watching over her son.

 I dont talk really to the people around me, that's why I came here too. It feels like everyone's so much stronger than me and like you said nobody understands this pain. Which of course some people do. 

Thank you xx

Believe me you're no less strong than anybody else, it takes strength to talk about it, even a little bit. You're stronger and braver than you think. 

I'm just doing one day at a time and seeing how I do. We're all in this together x

I've not seen signs as such since but when my Nan was in hospital with cancer she said the weirdest thing to me just before she passed. I'd never believed in the afterlife and our family is far from the religious kind. Just before she passed she smiled at something behind me and then said 'look Becky, the angels have come for me.' She sounded at peace and happy when she said it and passed just a few minutes later. I am still spooked by what she said to this day. She was the least religious person you'd ever meet and wasn't medicated in any way when she passed. I've also had my other Nan who passed this year visit me in my dream. She told me she was okay and that I can stop worrying about her now. That was also strange. I remember waking up and feeling like it was very real even though I knew it was a dream! 

I had the same with my nan 10 years ago, I was pregnant and she passed away before I gave birth. While I was pregnant, I had the most vivid dream where she was determined to know the sex and what I was going to call him, because we used to joke about the choice of names about my children. Then she drifted away and I woke sobbing. I've never forgot it, because it was like she wanted to know about my unborn son that she'd never get to meet before saying goodbye. 

I was sceptical about such matters and found this site after looking for 'answers' and needing to 'overshare'. Since my father died in July this year 2021, I now wonder if 'messages' from loved ones exist or we give meaning to incidents for comfort. These incidents do give me comfort but I have only mentioned to close family for fear of being labelled ' a grieving fruitcake !' So here, I anonymously share.

Following his death (peaceful at home ) the next day four white feathers landed on me and the doorstep of my childhood home . ( One for each family member remaining or a bird  from up above ruffling it's feathers ?)

My mum then mowed the lawn and  found a white wooden golf peg as it it had landed on  a bush in the garden (Golf was never played in the garden whatsoever but the wake was being planned and we had discussed holding it at a local restaurant adjoining a golf course he frequented) A coincidence or a sign of his approval re venue ? He had never discussed his funeral wishes in detail ( just one piece of music...more about that later.

A discussion about my dad during a visit with my husband and son to a  site where a boat was moored and all of us saying ' he'd find this peaceful '.Not realising until I'd looked at the name of the boat ( small lettering as it was distant ) on an enlarged photo I took , it was called 'Life's For Living' then realising a very similar title alluded to by a poet whose first name is one letter short of the name of one of two charities ( linked to sailing ) we chose for donations to be made by mourners as a tribute to him. The poet ( looked him up on Wikipedia ) grew up in a place that was the exact same name as my dad's middle name. Coincidence ?

Last week a Red Admiral butterfly landed on me in the garden . My mum, phoning from my childhood home hundreds of miles away mentioned a Red Admiral had landed on her before I mentioned my visiting butterfly, also  around lunchtime .Same time on the same day. Coincidence ? 

Also last week , my husband and I were walking in the hills and were recalling when my dad had visited the exact spot more than two decades ago with us. A double rainbow started forming  to the left of us, as if by magic, slowly arcing over to the right of us so we were standing beneath the middle and we could see really vibrant colours .  The exact rocks we enjoyed a picnic with my dad (and mum) - the only time he had visited the area , was ,from our perspective ,where the rainbow seemed to end .

Also last week, I had lunch with friends and mentioned I had only written one memory in a tribute book we had at the wake . My memory of being a bolshy teenager travelling back from Winchester on the A272 in the winter and my dad stopping the car near a field so we could step outside and admire the 'Hoar Frost' when he pointed out the 'white icicle frosted trees' and I think spoke about the meteorological conditions which led to this beautiful winter phenomenon. I must have been early 20s and remember being impressed that my dad was being quite emotional about nature. I opened up and became more talkative as I'd seen a different side to him That incident we shared really had ' broken the ice'. I felt we had bonded more as father and daughter there and then and knew I'd always remember that day . This was the story I recounted to friends over lunch.

I returned home from my lunch feeling quite sad about my dad's passing as I had been in my hometown for a month and ' holding it all together' as much as I could. Helping with the funeral etc . In my bedroom of the home I now live in I  talked to a photo of my dad and found music on my phone which had been played at my dad's funeral only because my daughter had recalled about four years ago he specifically sat her in the passenger seat of his car and played a CD of a version of Pachelbel's Canon, saying to her ' So beautiful , I want this played at my funeral. ' Fortunately, she remembered this and phoned us from home and my mum subsequently found the CD which had been kept in the car glove box . I played the music on my phone after googling it as we did not have a CD player in the house .

I'd always mistakenly thought the photo accompanying the Richard Edlinger piece on YouTube  was of a very large wave breaking over a sea wall. ( At the funeral I even had this image in my mind as my dad's coffin was carried into this music and thought of his love of the sea )

Anyway, I'm bawling my eyes out listening to this version of Pachelbel's Canon and I put my reading glasses on to read something and then look at my phone to see how much longer the music has to play. I now clearly see the YouTube photo is not of a wave but the photo is of a winter scene . Snow on the ground and white trees. A hoar frost ? I should have gone to Specsavers! I felt very peaceful and overcome that perhaps this  is a sign by dad to not be sad and to continue to appreciate beauty in all that is around us . Perhaps he us reminding me to remember that day we saw the Hoar Frost . I like to think so .

It is my mum's 86th birthday today . She has been missing dad terribly since he passed away on July 29th. She's been having a lot of problems with the internet and recently unplugged her computer ( which was primarily dad's computer and used by him mainly before he became bedbound and had recently unplugged it and the internet at night as she wondered about the cost of electricity to keep it on standby . Dad was the teccy one )

Mum plugged it back in  two days ago and miraculously the internet worked again . She  told me yesterday that eight emails popped up on her screen. The first was a email dad  had sent her on 13th October 2016.

It simply read ' Happy Birthday to my Beautiful, Wonderful Wife '.

She told me this yesterday and I asked her why had this message not arrived today on her birthday and she laughed and reminded me he was never late for anything .Always early . 

Whether or not such incidents are from loved ones , I have realised that everyday reflections on incidents and beauty around us keep their memories alive.

NB the only other ' strange' thing I recall was when my first child was born. My husband said perhaps I was waking from sleep and I had a dream but I clearly remember seeing my grandparents ( my dad's parents ) standing at the foot of my son's crib and saying in their Hampshire accents 'Oh my ,isn't t he lovely ? ' with their faces beaming with smiles. They were not like ghostly apparitions . In fact just as real as I remember them . My son would have been their first great grandchild .I was not frightened at all and felt a huge sense of excitement that they had visited . And excited for them .Anyone who knows me would see me as logical and not probe to 'flights of fancy ' but I truly believed they were visiting me and they gave me a lovely look before they disappeared as if to say 'Well done !' My dad was an only child and I often wonder if they had problems as they had him later in life. Their sense of happiness just radiated from them and I really felt it in the room.

They're all so lovely!

I dont believe in coincidences, because why would so many happen at 'weird' times and places? They are a comfort and helps keep me 'alive'