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Loss of Mum

emilyyy123
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Hi,

I’m 17 and trying to cope with the loss of my mum from breast cancer. My mum passed away in 2014 and I can’t seem to feel any better or as if I can carry on the way I used to. 

Im struggling so much with the loss of her because some days it feels as if I can’t remember much about her at all which really gets to me. The only memory that stays in my head is that of her in the hospital when she got really sick. 

I could really do with someone to talk to or advice on how to help combat my grief since I can’t seem to stop aching all the time. 

  • Hello Emily,

    I'm sorry to hear about your loss and that after all these years you're still having a hard time coping with it.

    The grief process is very individual and each of us experience it differently so there isn't really any right or wrong way to go through it.

    Hopefully other members who are on the same boat will stop by soon with words of advice and support but until then you might want to have a look on this page from our website called Coping with grief. I hope this can help you a little to deal with what you're feeling.

    Warm wishes,

    Renata, Cancer Chat Moderator

     

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    Hi there ...

    Oh hunny, no wonder your still finding it so hard .. you were so young when you lost her ... in those years when you were changing from a child to a woman ...  and one of the hardest things to go through in life hit you so badly ... l was 36 when my mum died and I felt cheated at that age ...

    I have a niece who lost a parent at that age... and oh my, l found she grieved totally different from adults ...  I found at that time she could be totally upset one hour ... then get out and she'd lock it away ... she found home was consumed in grief and pain, and tried to get out often as that was too much to cope with ...

    But years down the line it hit her and we'd chat for hours to help her get all those feelings out as an adult ..  the same as you, and many others I know say they can't bring their  face to mind .. which added to the pain .. and felt lost and it made it harder as it was years after the loss ..

    If i were you, I'd make an album of any lovely photos you have .. with a little story of that photo ... for those you recall ... put thoughts in there too .. and esp if you have ones of the two of you ...

    Cancer wants you to only remember the cancer and the pain it caused .. because then it makes you a victim too .. so every time those last thoughts creep in your head .. take your best, funniest memory you have of your mum .. close your eyes and relive it , in slow motion .. every word said .. remember the feelings it gave you .. do it over and over till you push the bad memories to the back of your mind ..

    Your mum would want you to remember the good times .. you had many many more years before she got it ... don't let cancer take your lovely memories away ...sending you a big vertual hug .. always here most days if you need a chat ...  Chrissie

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    I lost my brother to blood cancer in 2015 & thought I’d never get over it. I lost my Mum 10 years ago too. 

    Call a help line, find a friend- or maybe a friends mum to talk it through. Spend time with Aunts, Uncles, relatives and and to talk about her - cry, laugh and find out about her life. Make a collage of favourite photos of her. So often we forget to talk about them because it’s upsetting - but for me, I’d rather talk about my brother & relive his unique antics - laugh, cry & enjoy that you new them. 

    then look for something totally absorbing / a study course, a creative outlet,new job or something to move your brain on. You’ll never forget her - but you owe it to yourself to find your path through the grief. 

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    Hi Emily, I’m 19 and I lost my mum on the 3rd of March. I feel the same way and it’s so hard to get your head around the fact we’re only young and our mums won’t be there for us for the rest of our lives. I keep getting images of my mum in the hospital too, crying and crying with pain and not being able to talk to anyone etc. it’s so horrible but I try to remember the good times we had when she was happy and healthy. Your mums life wasn’t ruled by cancer and she would want you to remember her the way she was before it took over as that didn’t define her. If you need a talk message me I’ve added you as a friend x

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