Hello GSGH92; welcome to the forum.  I am so sorry that you have lost your mum; please don't worry about not crying.  After loving a loved one some people cry a lot, some a little and others not at all.  It doesn't mean they are not devastated.    Your mother became ill and died in a short space of time and your emotions must have been and still are trying to sort themselves out.  Just go with whatever is right for you.  I am betting that you gave lots of love and care to your mum, coping with what must have been a great shock to you and your family.   Do whatever feels right for you and take things as they come - there is absolutely no right or wrong way to grieve.  It is like being a child again in some ways - you are feeling your way along and learn how to deal with the thoughts and emotions that hit you.  I am hoping that you have friends and other family members to share your feelings and emotions.  Also of course you are always welcome to come here and let it all hang out (as the saying goes).  Be kind to yourself.

I am so sorry about the loss of your mum. Everyone worse fear, please dont feel guilty like you said she would want you to go away, looks at it like this what else can you do at home, maybe take a few nights away and it can help clear your head.

We all deal with losing a loved one in different ways, some people get angry some people feel guilty, some people cry, other dont.

Think of the good things I know easier said then done. Your mum will be watching over you.

I hope you are okay. And if you need a chat iam always here x

Hi. I lost my mum 1 week ago suddenly just after 10 days she was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer . She was my everything. I’m devasted and can’t accept  i will not see/ touch/ hug her anymore ..my dad passed away just 9 months ago.. my life has just been turned upside down. Please help I feel nobody can understand help 

Hi GSH92,

So sorry to hear you have lost your mother. It's such early days for you and you may still be in shock. I wanted to reply just to say I can understand where you are coming from. I lost my mother 11 weeks ago to lung cancer and am still feeling numb and rarely cry.  My mother meant the world to me and my children. There is no doubt I loved her and cared for her greatly. I spent most of my time with her.

I also felt that if you told me two years ago my mother would be seriously ill and would slowly die before our eyes I would have thought I would have been unable to carry on and live. I would not cope and would be a complete and utter mess. I did not expect to be as I am continuing with my life without her in it. I miss her beyond anything I can imagine. I still think this will be over soon and we'll go back to how it was before cancer. That I will see my mother again. Crazy I know but that's how I choose to deal with it.

I have read that sometimes the brain only allows us to process tramua as we are ready. I find it hard to think of my mother's last few weeks it as if my brain will not allow it in a sense there is a wall around a lot of it. I know a lot of people replay the last images thankfully so far this has not been the case for me.

I just wanted to also say do not feel guilty we are grieve in different ways just because you don't cry it doesn't mean you don't care you are dealing with it in your own way. 

Go away with your partner and again don't feel guilt. 

Take care x x x

Thanks everyone for your kind replies. That last o e in particular I can relate to in the sense that I too feel as if my mother is only gone away and will be back any day now. I just keep playing the what if’s in my head and can’t believe I only got 26 years with my loving mother. It’s been ten days and I’ve never gone that long without at least hearing her voice several times a day. I know there will be ups and downs but everything I do feels like it’s disrespecting her memory as if I should be just curled up in a ball refusing to go on. The kind messages help a lot though so thank you. It’s nice to see such a supportive community exists 

I used to feel that in not crying that I wasn't showing how much I loved my mother like she didn't matter to me and that hurts because nothing could be further from the truth.  I try now not to beat myself up so to speak I know how much my mother meant to me but for some reason it's not coming out in wails, sobs and tears. Maybe it will come in time I really don't know. I know grief is a  very strange horrible thing. I do sometimes think it is my mother sending me strength to carry on. 

I tell myself that my mother wanted us to be happy and she told us this so this is what I will try my very best to do for her.  I'm sure your mother would want the same for you, from your post she sounds like a lovely lady, caring for others before herself. She wouldn't want you not to carry on living I'm sure.

Sending my love x x x

Hi Gio9,

I’m so sorry about your Mum and Dad. I lost my Mum in October and I still can’t come to terms with it. She was my everything so I get how you’re feeling. I hope you have some good friends and family around you? Go and see your doctor too. I saw a therapist but didn’t find it helpful but you might. Hoping you’re ok.