Hello Natv; welcome to the forum.  Sorry to learn of your losing your stepdad.  Six weeks is quite a short time and grieving varies from person to person.  Do whatever you need to do to get through it and don't look too far ahead. I have lost both my parents some years ago and I still talk out loud to them.  They are still very much a part of me and my life; when you lose someone you love yes your life does change but you take them into part of your being.  I will say "Mam, this is funny - I know you would laugh" or "Dad, I know you wouldn't approve but never mind" - he was a policeman and quite strict.  Just try it.  I have things that belong to them which I have carried with me through my life which adds to the feeling of continuity.  As we go through life our experiences do become part of us, good and bad, and make us the people we are.  Sadly life is hard sometimes.  If  in the coming weeks you feel that grief counselling might help you you can of course contact for instance Cruse Bereavement Care Tel.0808 808 1677.  I don't know which other family members are close to you but do talk to them and be open about what you are feeling.  Annie

Hello Natv. I am so sorry to hear of the loss of your beloved Stepdad from pancreatic cancer. It's a frightening and destabilizing time. Annieliz's words seem to hold a lot of wisdom. Six weeks is early and I think it's normal to still be reeling. I hope you can carve out the time to process your grief in a way that works for you. And you are right:  your immune system is oviously taking a knock from all the stress so do try and be kind to yourself, no matter what pressures from the rest of the world.

 Are there any bereavement support groups near you? Might be worth a look....