VickyM, use this forum, it has really helped me over the last 12 months.  I am a bit further on in my griefing process but I still have sad days.  Mum loved shopping and we would always visit M&S when we had the chance, it still upsets me when I go in there and see Mum's with their daughters.  Mum's friends are all stil alive and this also upsets me and it seems so unfair.  I know thats selfish.  I think you did the right thing in bringing your Mum home and I am sure she woudl have know you were all there for her.  Mum was given 6-12 months and the McMillan nurse visited on the 15th Jan and arranged for Mum to have a disabled badge.  By the 21ts Jan Mum could not walk, she had stopped eating and we never did use that disbaled badge.  xx

Jenlou, I hear you, I remember heading into town one day before Christmas, not for anything really, found myself wondering around and being literally heartbroken seeing other people with their Mum’s due to my mums arthritis she, like your mum, would love a shopping trip and coffee, be it an hour around Matalan followed by a coffee, or a Costa in tescos, she was always so grateful for a day out with her girl I’m still not sure we did the right thing bringing her home, but I do know she loved her family enormously and getting her home meant the important people in her life got to see her and say goodbye. Isn’t it crazy for at the time of our parents being given months, it seemed no time at all, but for us both losing them so quick those months now feel like a lifetime, I’d have given anything for a few more weeks/months. This pain is too much, life without her just seems unbearable.  I’ll stay on this forum for any strength I can get. Thank you xxx 

Hi Vicky,

so sorry for you loss. I lost my Mum October 16th 2018 and I’m struggling so much too. I cry every day and feel so alone. I just want to be with her and wish I could just pass in my sleep. I have so many regrets because we were in total denial and there are so many things I want to tell her that I didnt get the chance too. I think a lot of us on here feel the same and I wish I could offer you some comfort. The only comfort is you’re not alone in how you feel. 

Hi Vicky

How are you doing now? I really hope you're hanging in there! It's another day further along our grief journey into eventual healing. I look forward too the days when we start to move out of the acute phase and into a phase of peace and healing. That's not to say we will ever forget our mum's but I hope to be in a  position where grief lives along side me in a way that it doesn't hurt as much. I'm very confident we will all get to that place with time and trust. 

Please don't worry about not getting signs from your mum. I've read up extensively about signs and people who write about them say that they are subtle so I'd imagine it's easy to not notice them. For me it's strange and unexplainable coincidences as well as t.v changing station to go from tv to her favourite radio station one time. I started a chat about it on this forum to share these experiences with others so it's there somewhere if you fancy a read. Just because you haven't had any signs that you're not aware of doesn't mean she's not happy or any of those other worries you have. I've no doubt your mum constantly checks in on you unbeknownst to you. Please take comfort from that and don't forget to ask her to help you and ask her for a sign! Life is a drop in the ocean of eternity and my ambition now is to recover and start to try enjoy life a little bit again,  I'll start small and begin by appreciating the people I do have in my life. 

Keep heart and don't worry,  you'll meet your lovely mum again one day. 

Chat soon

Denise

Hi Denise, thanks for checking in on me, I’m the same, last week was awful, this week has been tough for different reasons, a friend of mums, who was much younger (47) and diagnosed over a year before my mum, lost her fight and it was her Funeral yesterday, very different to my mums, I think they had much longer to prepare, but it’s heartbreaking all the same, she and mum we’re in hospital together, 2 days before mum died, we were preparing to get her home and she sat and held my mums hand while I emptied the room into my car, she checked in on me regularly after the funeral and was such a strength to me, her last message to me was that the first thing she will do when she gets there is give my mum a hug for me.... needless to say it’s knocked the wind out of me again, I question everything about life and why we’re here when everything hurts so much, I literally cannot bear anything any more, life just hurts I hope that with time I’ll notice signs, I do worry she isn’t happy or where she should be, so I hope it’s soon. Thanks again Denise and much love and strength to you, I’m going to go look for your other posts xx 

Hi MW101010,

i hear what you’re saying and I relate to everything, I too have cried myself to sleep praying to my mum to take me with her, life just hurts so much without her, I like you have so much I want to say to her, to hold her, kiss her, ask her if she’s ok, was it my fault she went the one night I wasn’t led with her (I was just in next room and she had a career with her) or did she choose it that way, if she didn’t I need to apologise..... life is hard, I have a beautiful family an amazing husband and son, but this pain just hurts so much....

Hey Vicky & everyone 

everything is so relatable I lost my mum on 14th October 2018 whilst I was 37 weeks pregnant. Absolutely heartbroken she was there through all my pregnancy (I was ill) and knowing she will never meet my baby boy kills me! She was so excited and I need her so much she was my best friend and knowing I’m never going to see her again kills me! I miss her so much and wonder will there ever be a day I won’t cry? It’s heartbreaking seeing other people with there mums and mine was taken from me at 26 life is so cruel and I try to keep so busy so I don’t give myself time to think about it? My baby keeps me busy and I don’t actually know what I’d do without him! My boyfriend is amazing and my dad isn’t doing so good it’s really hard to comfort him when I’m hurting too? 

Hi Georgia, I’m so sorry for your loss, it’s hell on earth isn’t it? I’m so happy for you that you have your baby, congratulations that’s so hard that your mum was there but not physically there for the birth or to meet him, life is cruel I cry daily still some days all day, my mum went so quick it left too much unsaid and breaks me every day. I have a 12 year old boy, who is very independent and has football 5 times a week so he’s doing great, we’re very close but he’s very close to his dad, and I’m grateful of that as it’s him that has been holding me together while keeping things “normal “ for our son, I love them both dearly, but right now the pain of missing my mum and so many questions in my head out weighs everything.

hang in there Georgia, your baby will be an amazing distraction for you, put all your love into him and talk to him all the time about Nanny

sending love and strength and always here to chat

vicky x