Hi brewis1gard,

I'm so sorry your mum passed away, my mum died in September last year, I can understand when you say you have never felt so bad. It sounds unexpected and same for us, when my mum was discharged from hospital on a Friday and gone by the following Wednesday. the shock and grief overwhelming.

I don't know much about your mum's type of cancer, any cancer, a cruel disease.

I haven't any words to make the pain go away, only to say please take just one day at a time, whatever you're feeling is normal and I hope that you have family and friends that can help support you through this sad and difficult time?

Post here on the forum if you feel you want to 'talk', sometimes it helps to know that others here will understand your sadness and know there will always be someone here to reply.

Sincere condolences.

Hi Linda63

Thank you for responding. I am sorry for your loss too. Please accept my sincere condolences. I can relate to your shock as you must have thought, with your Mum being released, that there was no immediate threat. 

As you suggest, I am trying to take  one day at a time. It is so diffiucult though; the pain is like nothing else I have experinced.  I do  have some family and friends who are very supportive which, is good whilst talking with them, but as soon as I am on my own the reality hits me like a sledgehammer. My Mum and I were extremely close. We went on holidays together, days out, the shops. Oh, how I wish I could still go to the shops with her.  It is not what you do it is who you do it with that really matters.

How are you finding support? I am waiting to receive some counselling. Is that something you have tried or thought about?

Thank you

Lost my mum in May last year  to cancer  , seeing my mum like it on bad days felt  so useless for her  life with cancer is rollercoaster   , miss her everyday  more than words can say ,she was rock to the family now we all realise it , so in mum memory I will try do some fund raising on her behalf   ,rowgroft ,Macmillan  we're great can't thank them enough  , cancer is cruel disease  mum was 70 years old  can't believe time moving quick when  I feel like yesterday lost my best friend my mum xxx who Angel in the sky  love you mum xxdiane

Hi brewis1gard,

I know it's very difficult, how could it not be, we loved/love our mum's so much, for them not to be here is just not right.I'm the same as you, the pain is nothing like I have experienced before.

I am further along on this journey and I can say the pain does get easier, I would like to get to a stage where I can begin to accept that mum is no longer here without feeling so much constant sadness, my mum wouldn't want me to be so sad, a colleague at work who had met my mum, said it's where I get my smile from. I owe it to mum to live the rest of my life in a way that would make her proud, it is easy to say these things, sometimes harder to do but I am trying.

I have struggled with regrets and 'what if's' and I am getting counselling, my second session tomorrow, the first last week lasted 50 minutes and I cried for about 45....so I guess at the moment I can't say how it is working out, but the counsellor listens and I want to talk about my mum.

Sounds as though you had a lovely relationship with your mum and I bet some cherished memories.

I know the sledgehammer feeling, it's like somebody rips your heart out, that's the only way I can describe it.

I found my Dr helpful although didn't take the 'valium' type tablets she prescribed....I was having panic attacks, couldn't breath properly, I took some lavender tablets which helped, it is exhausting though, especially the first few months as you try and make sense of it all.Not sure if your employer has any helplines that you could use, that may be worth trying? Or not too long a wait for the counselling?

I'm no expert but can only say, we're all individual, our mum's were unique, not something I think that you 'get over', just our lives will be different, yes, there is a hole in your heart, always will be but there will be more happiness at some point, I promise you.....and if you're on your own and it hit's you, post on here if you can....someone will always be here.

Take care,

Hi Caroline

Like your Mum mine was also a rock, especially to  me. I feel so lost and empty without her.  I knew she was the Best thing in my life when she here. We often don't realise just how good somehting is until we haven't got it/  

I have - briefly - thought about some of fundraising myself but I think that is some way  off yet. I am really struggling to  do anything at the moment.

It would be good to keep in touch to see of we are each doing.

Hi Linda63

I would like to  get to  the stage you mention and, like you, I know My Mum would want me to  carry on and get some happiness but at the moment it feels like  there is a huge solid wall right in front of me.

My GP seemed to say the 'right' things such as going for walks, and so on. She said it will take about 12 months but I don't think there is a 'set' time frame. I did get some 'calming' pills to  get me through the funeral but haven't taken any since. Will look into the lavender tablets.

No, I don't think you can 'get over'  the loss of your Mother; only learn to cope with it.

I hope your counselling session has helped today and it would be good to  keep  in touch to see how we get on and hopefully it will help each of us.

Best Wishes