Hi Charly, 

I'm really sorry you have lost your Dad.. it's just the worse isn't it. My Dad was finally diagnosed Nov 20th and gone Jan 14th. His funeral was yesterday.

I guess like me you feel like the whole situation from start to finish was completly surreal and you can't quite believe how that just happened, it was completly out of your control, went so quick and now it's all over and you feel like you've landed in a giant big black sad hole, and somehow you are meant to eventually climb out of it.....

I don't really have any advice yet unfortunately but I hope it's a little comfort to know there's people out here unfortunately who understand and feel pain like yours. 

I think it will take a while to get over seeing him go downhill but hopefully in time that part fades and the good old happy memories return. 

Sending my best wishes 

Rosie

Hello Charlyf and welcome to the forum.  I am so sorry about your losing your dad to cancer, also that you were so distressed by his final hours.  I know the "death rattle" can be difficult to hear but information on this website confirms that it is not a cause for distress to the dying loved one.  I attach a link to the screen where this - and other things that occur when death is near - is discussed in case you would like to read it .

Please don't expect too much from yourself at this time.  Do what needs to be done, hold tight with your family and let friends help you.  I know it seems impossible to realise you have lost someone who has loved you since birth. Take comfort from the fact that he will have known you were there with him until the end and did everything possible for him.   Annie

https://www.cancerresearchuk.org/about-cancer/coping/dying-with-cancer/last-few-weeks-and-days/final-days

thank you both so much, he was only 56 and truly was my best friend. I am a very over thinker and Im just struggling. Didn’t think grief could hurt this bad 

I lost my mum on 11th December, she passed away in the hospice with me holding her hand. We were like peas in a pod and so very close. The funeral was last Friday. Everything is so surreal. My father died at the age of 46 & I was 22. I remember it vividly and yet losing my Mum has been a totally different experience I can't seem to cry and I don't know why. I did a lot of crying before hand but I feel like I'm in a parallel universe. I have no anger either something which I felt emensly with Dad. Twinks

Hi Charly.

i am so sorry for your loss, Infact I can understand how you feel as my dad also just passed away on the 20th of January of oesophagal and trachea cancer and also a stroke. 

I feel as if I’m living a completely different life without him and I don’t like it. I miss him so much it physically hurts. I was there with my dad also when he died and he had the same situation as you with his breathing, my mum was by my side. 

Its an experience you’ll never forget or fully get over, I am struggling talking to friends as I feel as if they truly don’t understand. Life can be so cruel. If you need to text me even though we don’t know each other please do and il give you my number, we can grieve together 

Lucy x

I'm so sorry for your loss Charly. I lost my dad to pancreatic cancer in late November and I know exactly how you feel. My dad suffered from terminal restlessness and also had the death rattle. I'm also struggling to erase the last few hours from my mind. I hope that, in time, things will get easier for all of us. Sending you all my love and support, to you and your family! x