Hi DinDinz27,

Welcome to the forum, it's clear that you love your nan very much and it's only natural that she will be in your thoughts constantly; when you care about someone so much, to see them deteriorate is very hard to watch. My mum passed away on 26th September and although I had visited her every day in hospital and for the last days when she came home, I wish I could have spent more time with her, holding her hand and telling her how much I loved her, how she was the best mum in the world. So practical advice, all I would say is spend as much time as you possibly can ( I know you are) with your nan, leave nothing unsaid, cherish each moment. If any questions, the nurses should help and ensure that your nan is as comfortable and pain free as possible.

Whatever you feel is ok and normal, no right or wrong answers as to how you should feel.

Take care,

x

I'm sorry for what your going through. My grandma was still living in her own home when she was taken into hospital could get around ok on her own but was weak ... She deterioated rapidly from a week after diagnosis she only lasted 6 weeks we cared for her at home. I understand what you mean about the changes my grandma couldnt walk after 2 weeks then couldnt stand up a week after that there were a lot of other things but I wont go into detail. I used to think constantly about what was going through my Grandmas mind when she would stare off into space or what was happening on the inside of her body. You obviously love her a great deal my Grandma kept going into denial about what was wrong with her she was incredibly intelligent but i think trying to foirget what was going on around her was her defence mecanism to preserve her mind so she didnt go into full anxiety attacks - she would ask now and again why cant i get up etc as if looking for reassurance that she would make it through this. Eventually she became unresposive in conversations but i always told her she was never alone and needed to just rest. I think just having your presence there will give her great comfort. I think when you know someone isnt going to recover you do 100% start grieving because you know your going to lose that person - there are no rules or regulations to the grieving process. I send my thoughts and prayers to you and your family its clear your nana is very much loved. 

Hi DinDinz27,

I'm so sorry you are going through this. Having lost my dad in december I can totally understand what you mean. What some people don't realise is that even though the person is here now and we still have the opportunity to spend time with them we are grieving for what we are about to lose. 

I spent many a night crying and crying for the same reason as you and I don't think anyone really understood why. If I have any piece of advise - just be there for her. Tell her you love her. Talk to her if she wants to be talked to. Cherish every minute. It's one thing I wish I had done more of. 

This group it seems for many of the people on here is of great comfort and it really does help to confide in people that understand what you are going through. We are all here for you with open ears so please do come back to chat if you need to xx

Hi DinDinz27,

It sounds like you are suffering from anticipatory grief. I am also going through this right now. I've recently reached out to a therapist for help because I'm not coping well with my mom having cancer. It is a very painful situation. It is all I think about and I'm having a hard time finding any peace in my everyday life. People are starting to ask if I'm okay because I guess my pain is showing. I try to put on a brave front, but I'm not strong enough anymore. My poor mom is worried about me and I feel so guilty about that. I should be strong for her during this time. It is easy for others to tell you how you should be feeling, but we can't predict when pain starts, how it's going to feel and how we will react to it. I'm so sorry that you are suffering. I know your pain. Try to spend as much time as possible and show her all of your love.  Please feel free to message me if you want to get things off of your chest or just chat.

Hugs,

Tamara

Hi J,

If you search the forum for anticipatory grief, you'll see that this is a very common reaction.

Best wishes

Dave