I’m so sorry to hear how much you’re hurting. It is truly horrible, because it’s heart breaking, and so fresh and new still. allow yourself to grieve, allow yourself to cry, just keep by close friends and family and try and remember all of the beautiful good times you both had together. yes, it will hurt, I can’t tell you for how long, but pain does get slightly easier, I promise. I believe he’ll be watching over you and loving you. If you can open up to someone close to you this may help, maybe even therapy, or just advice from loved ones. always here to talk if you need a stranger to vent to. I won’t judge. all the love 

x 

I too lost my dad two weeks ago, I'm sitting here breaking my heart, I was fine all day until I went to bed. My dad had lung cancer and lasted 9 months. I was with him at the end and every time I close my eyes I see the horrendous way he went. It was so distressing. I totally understand what you are saying and you are so young. I also lost my son when he was your age. I was just getting back on my feet when my dad was diagnosed but hey take each day as it comes, deal with it the best you can and maybe you will feel a bit better after the funeral. It's a time thing and your little one will help you get through this xx

I'm so sorry for what you are going through. My beloved mum died suddenly on Friday, age 59. During the day I've been on auto pilot, making sure everyone is OK and googling stuff to do with funerals. At night is when it all goes a bit wrong for me. I know I'm drinking too much and not eating enough but during these early days I am just trying to get through to the next day. I'm afraid I can't offer advice at this time but I just wanted you to know that you are not alone in your pain. Sending you love xx

Sorry to hear that Sarah, I haven't even thought about a drink yet maybe I should, so many people in the same boat. Please look after yourself, it's very important because if you go down the ship will sink. Xx

Thank you for your response Nhow - I’m so sorry about what you are going through too. I think what is making this so hard for me to process (or at least in part) is my mum had bowel cancer a couple of months ago but flew through the surgery successfully. They found a huge tumour, operated on her and like magic she was ok. I thought it’s going to be happy days from now on. Then on the 6th January she collapsed whilst taking a light walk. I just didn’t see this coming after she had recovered so well from something so scary. The physical pain at the moment in my stomach and chest feels overwhelming...I know this will ease (it has to!!!) but every time I think about never seeing my mum again, I feel like I’m struggling to breathe. 

I can relate to how you're feeling.  I lost my Wife at the end of November after a two and a half year battle against breast cancer.  I absolutely doted on her and took the bull by the horns when she needed looking after/nursing at home. I tried so hard to look after her and she tried so hard to survive.  Despite our very best efforts this wicked illness held us at gunpoint and forced us to be apart against all of our hopes, dreams and wishes>:).

The intensely punishing grief which I'm now feeling is unbearable and it seems to be getting worse the further I get from her passing.  It's such a bitter pill to swallow, it's stuck in my throat and it tastes like ***!:(.

I really don't see how it can ever get better, I'm seeing counsellors, but their words and advice don't make the situation any better.  I think it's going to be down to me to get through this, and I can't see a way out of it at the moment so I really struggle to get through the days at the moment.

James.

hello, 

i also looked after my dad he passed away in Dec and everyone just says times a healer i cannot cry or anything but my last memory of my dad was him in his coffin dressed in his suit looking so handsome he had his dignity back so i would reccomend going to see him at the chapel of rest.. my dad lived in tshirts and paper pants for the last 7 weeks of his life so it was nice seeing him at peace and looking dapper 

ive not cried or grieved at all for my dad yet im just numb 

L x 

Hi, really sorry to hear you lost your dad too. 

Cancers an awful thing I think for me I’m finding it hard to let go of frustration and anger that I lost him way to quick and early in life. I’ve rang the chapel and they are going to ring me back at some point today to book an appointment to see him. 

In a strange way I can’t wait to see his face again. 

Its painful but at least I know that I’m not alone with all these rollercoaster emotions. 

Thank you for tour replies everyone. 

Xxx

Hi,

I was with my wife when she passed away in hospital, and I re-visited her an hour later when the nurses had tidied her up and settled her into the bed.  She didn't look the same, even an hour after passing, peaceful yes, but not how I knew her:(.

I resisted the temptation to see her again in the Chapel of rest as I know she would want me to remember her how she was, bless her.

Chapel of rest is not for everyone and that is for many reasons.  You're really stuck between a rock and a hard place and you will either be glad you went, or wish you hadn't.  There's only one way to find out though:confused:...

James

James, I am so very sorry for what has happened to you. It’s all just so unfair and cruel. Words seem woefully inadequate at the moment but every person on here that is in the midst of that crushing pain is in my thoughts. I hope that, in time, the counselling starts to help.