Hello camptoots and welcome.    Don't pretend all is well when it plainly is not.  Everyone has their own pattern of grief and it takes, well as long as it takes.  You will get there in your own good time.  Some people find it helpful to get counselling - Cruse Bereavement Care is the most well-known charity in this field.  Their Freefone number is 0808 808 1677.  I believe that some areas of the country have a waiting list (being a charity their grants have been cut) but it doesn't hurt to give them a ring and see what they can do.  Yes, it can still be painful but there will be a time when a memory brings a smile rather than a tear to your face.  My parents died some years ago (my mum - cancer, my dad - pneumonia) and yes I still feel a bit sad about something or other but it no longer interferes with my everyday life and I still "talk" to them.  Hope this - with the response from Pepper64, helps you a little.  Annie

Think I find it hard as he was such a huge part of my kids lives & they find it hard to speak about it yet but I need to but don’t like upsetting them ...but like u say it will get better with time ... and gradually memories will make me smile again ...thank you x

Thank you for your reply ...wish I had joined this group sooner ....think it’s something you don’t understand until you have been through it ...I certainly didn’t , been to busy looking after everyone else that it just seems to have hit me like a brick now ... I can take comfort in knowing he’s at peace & not suffering like he did x