Hi there Keenan. .

Oh my, bless your heart ... you've been delt the crulest of blows ... no wonder your angry ... 

There's no right or wrong way to grieve .. everyone is different .. but if you say to yourself, it's o.k to feel angry .. it's o.k to feel sad .. it's o.k to feel lost ... give yourself permission to feel all these feelings .. it's all part of loosing those closest to us ... there is no greater bond then mother and child .. and I know you think your sister and bro, were closer to her.. but you know I have 2 son's .. one I'm really close to, and one who has always felt the odd one out .. but you know , I love them both the same... I'd give anything to both .. yet my oldest feels his younger brother is my golden child... how wrong is he .. and I bet your mum loved you just as much .. 

I believe they don't leave us, they just live tucked up in our hearts, and we carry them there safe, where no one can hurt them ... nothing will take your pain away ... I still miss my mum 30 years after loosing her .. but was blessed to have had her as my mum ...

Now you think what your mum would say if she could ... I've a feeling she'd say, how much she loves you , and she'd put her arm round you .. and tell you that everything you do in life, she will see and do them, through your eyes... you are her... she made you ... so she's right there ... it will be the hardest year you've ever had ,.. we all go through that after loosing our mum's ... it's part of the grieving process ... your brain is trying to make sense of it all, when there is none ... 

I tried to do things to make my mum proud ... and knew she loved it when we were o.k and sad when we were sad ... but give your heart time to heal ... I think a call to McMillan and ask about councilling. . You need to reach out and talk about those feelings ... which are hard to let out, but in the long run help ..

Always here if you need a shoulder to lean on ... sending you one of my nanny hugs ... Chrissie xx

hi Keenan I’ve just read this you should really try to open up and talk to some 1 close some 1 you trust it must be heart breaking for you a huge loss I’m sure ur mums looking over you anger will not help you need to Greve it’s difficult as your young the pain will pass ur mother will always be in ur heart take 1 step at a time I truly hope ur pain easiest so sorry for ur loss Johnathan 

Hi Keenan, 

I'm so sorry that you have lost your mum. You really shouldn't be dealing with this at 14. I'm 29 and currently loosing my Dad to the same cancer as your mum. I'm really struggling with this so can't imagine how it is at 14.  

Your whole world as you knew it has been turned upside down and your feelings are perfectly normal. 

I too totally understand how the things you previously enjoyed have gone out the window and the motivation to do anything just stops. 

I hope in time you may get back to some of these or find new ones to enjoy and distract you. Maybe try to just give yourself just 10 minutes a day to something you may still enjoy and loose yourself in and it might just help you. 

Can I suggest a really great charity to you. 

www.griefencounter.org.uk

Email. support@grieftencouter.org.uk

They are especially for young people and they will help you to cope and manage with all of your feelings that you are trying to deal with. There will be lots of people who are in similar situations to you and I hope you may find there website helpful and can get the courage to talk to someone through email or phone or to someone in your family or friends. 

Sending you lots of love 

Rosie xxx