Hi there, I have read your posts, I am so sorry James passed away, I could feel your love for him from what you have written and I can only imagine some of your pain. I lost my mum on 26th September and I miss her so much, understand the crying. My dad is broken, they would have been married 60 years on 2 Dec, like you, they had a true love story.
I take a day at a time and Christmas/New Year was never going to be the same, although we have a large family and we try to support each other. I think the bonds are different though, from mum to daughter or husband to wife. I know it is so hard and I just wanted to say, I am so sorry for your loss.
I can only say from experience that the crying does get less but there is no timeframe or right or wrong way to grieve, 'talking' on this forum does help.....somebody said to me they were sure my mum wouldn't have wanted me to be so upset at her passing,
Thank you, I know James's would probably feel the same. I am just hurting so much and not coping being without him, can't live without him by my side holding my hand.
I wish there was a magic potion to help us all feel better. This grief roller coaster is certainly not nice - I know it’s something that we have to go through but it’s not easy.
I want to make it better for us all & I wish we didn’t have to go through it but in a way it shows how much our loved ones mean to us. I know my Husband would hate to see me like this - I just hope as everyone says that it gets easier.
I have just read your posts on other titles and the Pancreatic cancer one took my immediate attention!
I lost my husband to the same cancer that also spread to his liver which then showed up symptoms, like yourself we were in denial as he passed 2 weeks after finding out there were no options of treatment for him.
It has now been 5 months and I have not had 1 day without crying! I know this is going to get less over time as I read many posts on here from family who have lost loved ones to all sorts of cancer, a word I never thought I would be saying regularly when talking about my husband. I was told by my doctor that all this pain I am going through is a process of grieving especially when his life came to an end suddenly and so young ( 51 years).
I can’t say to you if and when your crying will get easier because only you will know one day, but I can tell you that from my experience some of my wonderful memories are starting to come to the surface and are blocking those horrible last visions I had of him as my husbands passing was not very peaceful as he had a heart attack in front of myself and my son and the fear on his face stayed with me for a very long time.This was all due to the levels of potassium in his body from the cancer! We never expected the end to have been like it was.
This is really a roller coaster ride and I wish I could get off, but I know I can’t so I have to go with it like you. I know it is hard to go out but I found there are some lovely people who do listen and comfort you if you have an emotional moment and the more conversations I had with people the little easier it gets mentioning his name, which at the beginning I couldn’t even do that!
I am really sending you lots of hugs and love, remember you are not alone,keep posting on here your feelings as I have found a lot of comfort from everyone.xxx
I was in tears again as I read your post to me, feel so sorry for what you and your son went through. So young.
James was 58 he had been into hospital a for a week in October due to pain, they said they didn't know what was causing the pain they upped his morphine , he didn't feel much better after a week but wanted to be at home , I was there at the same time due to pneumonia and colitis.
A few weeks later he was in again overnight due to the pain.
On November 15 he went for chemo but couldn't have it due to the pain. Was admitted again the same day. At first they said it could be a broken rib, it wasn't, then they decided it was due to nerve pain and said about a nerve block. But to have another ct scan on the Monday, he'd not long had one a few weeks before. Pain management team kept coming to see him, didn't seem to help, doctors kept promising they would help with the pain.
On Monday 19th November I had to go from the hospital for 3 appointments , James phoned me while I was waiting to go into the doctors surgery to say the Ct results were back and the oncologist wanted to see us.
I went back to hospital and the oncologist came there to say the chemo wasn't working and basically there was nothing they could do.
After that James just went downhill. He passed away on the 27th November
Before we were told we both just thought they were going to manage the pain and he would be home again as a few weeks before all this he was doing work in the house out at the shops.
Right now I can't face people go out or anything ,even seeing my grandchildren hurts too much.
James was 58, had been married for 33 years, did everything together went everywhere together. Miss him more than I can take.
