Hi

All those feelings are part and parcel of the grief that comes with mourning a loved one who has been taken by this horrible illness.  I lost my Wife at the end of November and had her funeral on the 21st Dec.  I too have felt exhausted through crying, frustrated that despite my wife's best efforts to survive and my best efforts to look after her she still had her life taken away!  I am so very angry with the whole situation!

I know that sometimes people can say the wrong things to us to try and comfort us, and in turn we can get irritated by that. It's OK to feel that way, but never forget that the family will too be experiencing their own grief just as you will be.  Please don't isolate yourself, and as hard as it may be please try talking to a family member, or a friend just to vent off some of your thoughts and feelings. It won't change the situation, but it may give you a bit of momentary release of what is built up inside you.

I get annoyed by the things people say to me, like "times a healer", "she's not in pain anymore", "you'll learn to accept and live with it"... I just think 'how the hell will it be ok, and how will things get better', what a load of crap and how does anyone know how I really feel!!!

I certainly don't  want to feel like this anymore, and my wife certainly wouldn't want me to feel like this either.  I am struggling so much with losing my wife and thankfully I have a very supportive family and many good friends who have been so good to me, but even they can't make me feel better so I have gone outside of my comfort zone and sought the assistance of some counselling sessions. 

Perhaps it may be worth you seeing a counsellor too?  Try seeing your GP, or contact your local hospice to see what help is available to you.  I know it is so hard to take that step and make that call, but it may be the turning point that you need to get through this.

It won't change the situation and it won't bring your Grandad back, but you need to take some steps to try and stop yourself feeling like you do.  Your world has been turned upside down and it will never be the same again.  I do know how you are feeling, as like you my world and my life as I thought it was has been smashed to bits, but I don't want to feel like I do anymore as it's not good for me.

Please talk to someone, and please try your best not to be alone.

I hope this helps in some way?

James x

Hi 123abc,

I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your grandad and I offer my sincere condolences. Can I ask what age you are? I am sure that your grandad would not like to see you feeling as low as this. I sincerely hope that you changed your mind and went on that holiday today.

Try not to be so hard on your boyfriend and your family. Remember that they are grieving too. Please do not quit under any circumstances. The best thing that you can do is to get back to your normal routine and start to make something of your life for your grandad's sake.

Your world has been tipped upside down, but you can get it back on track with pure grit and determination. I lost my mum 21 years ago to cancer and I still miss her every day, but I have striven to make her proud in my families achievements, ever since she passed.  I can just imagine her watching over us from above and, know that she would be delighted to see these accomplishments. I have no doubt that your grandad would be too. Instead of giving up, why not try to be more positive? You will find this so much easier and it would make your grandad so proud to see you holding that degree in your hand.

I keep a photo of mum in my living room and I find great solace in talking to her as I pass by. Perhaps this might help you too?

Do please keep in touch and let us know how you get on and, remember that we are always here for you.

Kind regards,

Jolamine xx

I know how you feel your obviously still young ,please please please believe me when I say your grandad will be looking over you and itl break his heart to see you like this he's had his life now you must live yours do not push the people who you love  away like I did because you must remember they are all hurting too  go bk to uni make your grandad proud of you which I know he probably already is, you will feel all emotions possible so scream cry shout be angry I did  but not to the people who love you do it with them GOD BLESS YOU

Hi

I was in a very similar position a few years ago when I lost my mum,  I was still at uni too at thetime and I remember the feelings you have discribed. that tired emptiness there makes you not want to move or do anything . It can be really difficult to cope when you have so much on your shoulders.

Just take things slow greiving takes time but you can get through this . i also pushed away friends while i was greiving. i dont know if it is the same for you but for me it was mostly because I didn't feel like the same person I was befor and I didnt know what to say to any of them and because I felt too tired to talk about usual every day things. . But it is helpful to talk to someone about what your feeling even if you don't keep in contact with everyone. in my experiance your friends will still be there when your feeling more up to talking

things will get better it just takes a while

You aren't alone and you can always talk on here. hpe this helps

all the best

    Lizabc 

P.S. Universities are in my experiance really understanding about this sort of thing. If your struggling or your worried about your uni work its a good idea to email your tutor or a lecturer you trust. they will be able to help you fugure outhow to cope and can direct you to more help if you need it.

Thank you so much James. I am so sorry to hear your sad news. I agree with everything you have said and again something I will never get over. Your so right about people’s comments when really they have no idea. It’s so frustrating. I am trying to get back on track. I had to take another 2 weeks bereavement for work, I was so not ready to go back. I’m back at uni and work now, trying to keep on top of everything. It’s keeping me occupied I suppose. Getting me out of that bedroom of mine. It’s so difficult to stay positive, and when I am laughing and smiling I feel so guilty. It’s a strange feeling. My heart is so heavy and a big piece of me is gone and I cannot and never will accept this. It’s made me hate this world we live in. I do hope your councilling sessions are working. Thank you for your reply and advice, although it’s difficult, (for me anyway) try and remember the good and happy times rather than the bad... the last few days of my grandads life were so difficult. I didn’t sleep for 3 days solid sat by his side and it’s these imagines that seem to have taken over my memories. Every time I think of grandad which is every day, I just see him lay there in that bed in his living room, poorly, weak and sad. It breaks my heart. 

I can only hope that things get easier from here, they don’t feel as though they will. Learning to live without someone I suppose is doable... however accepting it is another and I don’t think I ever will.

life can be so very cruel. I wish you all the best James. 

Rosie x