Dearest jolamine. . Thank you for sharing your journey. . Its a harsh reality of survival and determination to survive. . I watch A LOT of afterlife TV. . Near death experience stories to try and comfort myself and take in where mum might be now.  I still worry about her. Where is she?  Is she okay?  And the same stories keep coming up with their is a beautiful continuation of life ager this life.  That we chose our journey. . Its hard to swallow because there's so much suffering that we read about on this site alone. . Yet maybe the whole purpose is to actually learn about ascending into a place of courage determined love for ourselves and not sweating the small stuff. . Such an inspiration of hope and mind and body connection. . Bless you eternally.  x

Its that Practice what you preach thing isnt it lol. 

That means a lot to me you saying that so thank you so much. 

He used to say to me "i bet you're getting fed up.of this running around" and used to apologise because he thought he was a burden and could sometimes see I was tired  but what I would give to have just a little while longer to carry on doing it all for him. 

I sometimes wish there was a way for them to connect with us to let us know they are ok and at peace. 

O wow jolamine. That was heartbreaking to read. As if that nurse threatened to section you because of something we would all most likely feel and think if in a situation like yours. Shame on her. 

Thank you so much for sharing that.. I am in awe at the courage and strength you have to have pulled through fighting on the other end. 

Me and dad had a lot of bad experiences with the nurses and doctors. I should write a letter of complaint to the complaints department in the NHS because some of the mistakes they made could have been quitr detrimental to.his health earlier on in his diagnosis. I used to be a HCA so sort of knew some of the dos and donts. Im not sure I have it in me though to be honest now. 

Yeh I think you're right. He wouldnt want me.dwelling on that too much. It was more hesrbreaking to think.that he thought they didnt care than anything else. 

Xx

Same here yes its hard going but a labour of love is never as hard i used to say ime sorry if i seem a bit of a bully but she said she knew  i was doing it for her  i did get a few extraordinary things happen after liz passed  so who knows i was the biggest skeptic on the planet till then .not now . Cancer flipping sucks thats for sure we do anything for love then we knock ourselves to pieces after lol life eh you certainly should feel proud of what you did but like us all we just have to work it all out in our heads then we realise why on earth did we feel guilty but it takes a while . Paul

Kkkerry.

I was the same with my dad. I remember getting so upset with him the one day and saying Dad please if you dont try you are going to die. I was crying my eyes out... after that he did try so hard to drink as much as he could but he got so .confused in the end he didnt know how to hold the cup or swallow. 

I dont think anything is normal to be honest. Some days I feel numb, some days I fwel like someone has ripped my insides out and other days I manage to get through the day without feeling too bad. He is all i think about though. I dream.about him, i wake up thinking about him, i go to sleep thinking about him. 

There was a blanket he brought me for xmas a while ago and it was laid over him when he passed away and when I get upset and need a cry I wrap that around me and sit on the sofa and just cry until I feel I can stop. 

I also have been reading into afterlife and near death experiences. It brings me a LOT of confort to think he is somewhere else but pain free and "living" another adventure. Its not up everyones street but I even went to see a.medium as i was so desperate to hear something that would.make me.feel.better.

Im thinking of you and just hope that your pain eases off a little bit eventually.

Xx

Someone said to me.. these things are sent to test us. (When dad was diagnosed) not the best choice of words maybe but he was right. I think it takes a lot of strength and courage to look after soneone knowing they are never getting better and to carry on going afterwards. The grieving progress I think has been a long one already as I think I had been grieving right from diagnosis.

Paulus - some things happened to me too and I just thought... Dad? 

As O wrote on a post below- i even went to see a.medium as I was so desperate to hear sonething that would comfort me and although I partially velieved before i was still sceptical. Not any more though! 

Yep i beleive our loved one stick around for a while when they see us ok off they go i believe what happend to you . In science rhe boffins say energy is allways there it cannot be made neithere can it be destroyed it just moves and changes all our thoughts flying around our nuronic pathways they are energy so ie it must still be herehere somwhere we are never going to know or we would all want to go .a lady put a pic on here saying pity theres no visiting times in heaven if only there was but i thought it was great .lecture over now lol . Yes keep holding on to me its all about healing ourselves now we did the best we could for our loved one they knew it to thats all that matters in the end.keep talking cal best way to get all thoes sad thoughts out  then there not inside us .paul

Hello, hope you don't mind me jumping in on your thread but I just had to....me and my mum always had " a thing" where we used to say that who passes first would let the other know with a smell of the perfume opium.....well sadly I lost my mum 5 years ago, and only a few hours after she past over there was an overwhelming aroma of the perfume opium! Followed by a strong sense of comfort.....I can't explain it any better than that.....oh...btw....I also cover myself in my mums blanket for comfort...xxx

Thats a lovely idea Paulus. I like the idea of him poppong by now and again. 

When he died.. the lights in my living room did this weird flickering on and off. Me and my siblings looked at each other as we thought i lt was weird... only a few mins later we realised he had gone becaise he had been doing this thing where he was holding his breath for 2 minutes at a time before takong another one. So I do believe there is an energy but I believe spirits are an energy. 

Thank you paulus.. yourself and this group are a great help.

Hi Marlyn, 

Of course not. We are all in the same boat so the more support the better. 

O wow I bet that was really comforting. Its lovely that she remembered to make sure she did it for you aswell. 

 I havent had anything as obvious as that.. I mean there have been a few things that i thought could be my dad but then I think or is it? My dads friend told me... beleive they are signs from him as they are the only way he can send you comfort now. 

My dad was a very minimalistic man so there wasnt much apart from his guitars and clothes and a few other little bits that we have to remember him by. So the blanket really helps. My partner bless him.knows im feeling it when ive got that wrapped around me and gives me a big hug. 

Xx