Hello Ionastar.  Welcome back to the forum.  Looking at your previous post from June 2016 I see that at that time your mum was not expected to live more than two months; while it is good that the estimate was unduly pessimistic I do hope that she did not suffer badly over all this time. 

Christmas is always difficult for peole who have lost a loved one.  Even after many years have passed you can still feel a sorrow for what you no longer have.  Many people have been in this situation but try to put a brave face on it and it just looks as though they are enjoying themselves.  It is good that you have the support from your boyfriend.   In my experience the first Christmas, New Years Eve, birthdays are the most painful.  It is the price we pay for having loved someone.  Hold tight to your family and boyfriend and you will get through this; life does leave us with emotional scars.  Annie

Hi Aimee,

I am so sorry you lost your mum, I have too, on 26 September, I understand how you are feeling, especially as the first Christmas without our beauiful mum's. Your mum was a year younger than I am now; I have nieces probably around your age group and it is heartbreaking. The bond between mum and daughter is the greatest one, who loved us unconditionally, put us first and who is irreplaceable.

I read this:- think not just of how much you’ve lost, but also of what you still have that your mother has given to you.How would she want to be remembered by you? What is the legacy that she has left to you? 

I know it is a struggle, you can only take a day at a time and if like me, sometimes you have to let the tears fall.  A  kind lady on this forum said that she was sure" my mum wouldn't have wanted to see me so upset at her passing"....she's right.

I don't have the answers, grief is different as we are all different but I just wanted to say that I understand some of how you're feeling and I hope with the support of your boyfriend and family, that your sadness will become easier to bear.

x

Hi Annieliz, 

i first posted when my mum was diagnosed with cancer and I was in a dark place. I do not open up a lot and really find it hard to ask for help/advice. 

Sometimes I just fee hopeless and feel it’s comforting receiveing advice from people that have been through a similar experience to mine.

i am hoping you are right - I know it does get easier twitch time. 

I am so greatful for everything I have and just hope things get easier. 

Thank you you for taking the the time to help me 

Aimee x