I was surprised with my feelings when my brother died of diabetes in September, I’m 55 and he was 58, we were real close, was the first family member we lost out of a family of 9 children, we New he was going to die because he wanted to and refused any more treatments and would not hook up to his dialysis machine, It took 10 days for him to pass once he would not hook up to his machine, I too did not cry, of course I loved him with all my heart but it was more of a relief when he died, I thought lots about why I was calm, I was by his bedside, I seen him suffering, I seen my family members suffering because he was suffering, so I guess it’s similar to what you went threw, I believe we don’t always have to share tears we all grieve in different ways, like you we were probably so drained with grief already, like it wasn’t a sudden thing, I noticed allot of my family looked relieved also , plus I’m a big believer I will see him again, I say we just borrow these bodies but will all be in a better place eventually, I’m not religious, I just have my beliefs, so your not a bad person, you went thru so much you had time to grieve slowly and were drained when your mom passed away, your not alone, I felt a little guilty also but took time to think my feelings out, you take care and so sorry for your loss,