Oh Linda,

I feel for you, bless you.

Losing your mum is always so difficult to come to terms with. I lost my mum 22 years ago and I still miss her every day.

Have you tried to place a photo of your mum in a prominent place, at home where you can talk to her occasionally? I did this and found it a great help. I also try to live my life as my mum would have wanted me to do and, feel that she is there beside me in all of my achievements.

Grief is an individual thing and is different for different people, I am glad that you feel that you will meet up again. I know that it is hard, but I'm sure that the last thing that your mum would want is to see you so upset at her passing.

I am thinking of you and am sure that things will get a little easier with the passage of time.

Kind regards,

Jolamine xx

Hello Linda; 13 weeks is not very long and you can take as long as you need to grieve.  Like Jolamine I am someone who still "talks" to my deceased parents (I am 66 years old and they died some time ago) and keeps their photographs in my living room.  Even though we know logically that it is likely that our parents will die before we do it is impossible to realise what life will be like without them - how can it be any other way as they have always been with us.  So be kind to yourself and do whatever helps you get through this.  Best wishes to you and your family.  Annie

Thank you Jolamine, you're right, my mum wouldn't want to see me so upset but I know she would understand how difficult it is, she was a stronger person than me. I saw Dad earlier and told him I was upset but didn't dwell on it as I didnt want to make him more sad than he already is, he is so brave.

I have put a some photos of mum around our house and have 'talked' to her every day. You understand what it's like, sorry you lost your mum too, oddly it reassures me that my feelings are not abnormal, I understand that you would miss your mum every day, that makes sense.

Thank you again.

x

Thank you Annie for your kind thoughts and best wishes. Many people have said that in time it will become easier and for those further along the journey than myself, I have to believe that it will. I told somebody a day at a time, yet I can't take my own advice. Things always seem to take time to sink in with me, apparently 'I'm a reflector'....I think the reality is starting to sink in and it is hard to accept. I have read about the stages of grief, maybe some people like me, go back and forth, thank you for your post. x 

Hi Linda,

I just want to reassure you that your feelings are all perfectly normal. You have just lost the most important person in your life, your mainstay, the person you could always run to for comfort and now that you need her more than ever she is no longer here to run to.

Please don't upset yourself because of crying. This is a perfectly normal part of grieving and, shedding those tears relieves a lot of stress.

I am glad that you can talk to your dad about her. Please don't worry too much about upsetting him. Although it may be unsettling to talk to him at first, it will be so much easier for both of you if you can talk to each other openly about her. In time, instead of the recent sad memories, you will begin to recall happier times and remember her with a smile instead of tears.

I am always here for you.

Kind regards,

Jolamine xx

Thank you Jolamine, I think you're right, will talk to my dad,I'd like to look through some old photo's with him. He was a keen photographer and we literally have hundreds of photos of all of us,lots of mum thankfully. If we get upset, then it's ok, it's just when you love someone, naturally you don't want to see them upset.

I am looking at counselling, I think I do need some extra help with the regrets and guilt, that is the hardest, realising that I cannot have that time back with mum.

Hope you have a lovely New Year with you family,

Warm regards,

x

Hi Linda,

I am so glad to hear that your dad was a keen photographer and, that he has lots of photos of you all. You may find that it is a little too soon to look through photos yet or your dad may be fine about doing so. You could ask him if he feels ready to look at them yet.

There are a number of places that offer counselling. It is not for everybody, but some find it very helpful. It is certainly worth a try.

We lost my husband's mum 2 months ago, so Christmas and New Year have been quieter this year. Do you have any other family to support you or is it a case of just you and your dad?

I hope that you can manage a Good New Year too.

Kind regards,

Jolamine xx

Hello Jolamine,

Wanted to say hope you and your family have a Good New Year, as you say, quieter for us all this time. I am sorry to hear about your mum in law passing away. You must be a great support for your husband.

I am lucky to have a caring brother and his daughters, our nieces are very supportive. I tried to talk about mum yesterday with dad but he didn't feel he wanted to and I didn't push him, breaks my heart to see him miss mum so much, they had a true love story. I also have a loving husband who is trying so hard to help me but I think he wants me to move on, not in a detrimental way but he just doesn't like to see me so sad.

It feels like we're losing mum again, with the end of this year, the last year she was here.So many heartbreaking posts on this part of the forum, one day, these cancers will be all in the past, some scientist somwhere will have a breakthrough, that's what I pray for.

xx

Hi Linda. As many have said, 13 weeks is a very short period of time indeed. I lost my mum in May, so it's been 7.5 months. I am no longer crying every day, however, I still haven't processed the loss. I cried every day for at least 4 months. It was like poking at a wound to see if a scab had formed. The scab would not form. But I would keep poking. Weird analogy, sorry if it doesn't make sense. But basically, I would think about it, and start crying every day. Lately, what I have been doing is I have somehow comparmentalized the pain. So it's like a raw little box in my brain that I have somehow managed to cover with a numbing agent. Like when you get your tooth frozen. But I can easily start crying if I start trying to think about it. So she is in my thoughts during the day, constantly, but somehow I am able to go with it and not start crying. But I suspect that during times when I am feeling a bit down, the loss of my mum will weigh me down more. I also kind of feel like the pain will always be there, in that raw little box in my brain, and that I will just have to find a way to live with it for the rest of my life. 

I cried the other day, because suddenly there was a flock of birds in the tree outside my window. I never saw flocks of birds outside my window until my mum passed, so now when they appear, I feel like it's her saying hi. When the birds came the other day, my boyfriend noticed them and actually remarked "wow, that's super unusual. You don't usually see birds out there". And I said, "I know, that's my mum stopping in to say hi".