Hi everyone in this ghastly club

I lost my beautiful husband in January & am absolutely lost without him. Phil was so optimistic & life loving - even though his oncologist said his tonsil cancer was incurable, neither of us believed he would actually die. Mad, I know. He endured all his treatment so bravely, believing it was a means to an end & when we were told us he was cancer free - we believed that was it - he had cheated this horrible disease & we cancelled his life insurance, believing it would tempt fate to do otherwise! But it came back - denying him the ability to drive & go to work - both were things he loved. He complained of feeling ‘confused’ on Xmas Eve & that was really it, game over & he knew it, asking to go home after a week in hospital. The next 3 weeks were the stuff of nightmares & I tried my best to nurse him night & day but acted like a zombie according to my children, while he was obviously so guilty about leaving me. We were so, so happy & it makes me angry when I hear couples arguing now. Phil used to say ‘Don’t worry, I am not planning on going anywhere’ but he did... I have tried so hard to make him proud of me - lost weight, stopped biting my nails, driven his car, accepted every invitation and I will try to knock more off my wish list that we talked about - so some good comes out of such a terrible time. I figure if the very worst thing has happened to you - what is there to be afraid of any more? Go for things, try stuff regardless- nothing matters does it?  

Hello Miranda

 Welcome to the forum that nobody ever wants to join. 

 I am truly sorry to hear of your husband’s death. 

 I lost my own darling in November so I have some idea of how devastated and bereft you must be feeling 

 I won’t offer any platitudes or advice because there is nothing that anybody can say or do that will make you feel any better but I will  send you a virtual hug. To honour Phils wishes is So important and I applaud you. . I am honouring Steve’s, or at least trying to. It’s not easy but it is the least I can do. You and I had a lifetime of love cut short but we must make it last, treasure the memories, keep our husbands always close  in our hearts and our laughter and smile whenever we can.

 Please keep in touch, there are so many people on this forum who will help and support you. 

 Take good care of yourself  i’m sure that was also one of Phils wishes 

Love Ruth 

Xxx

Dear All

I lost my beautiful husband to metastatic oesophageal cancer less than 3 weeks ago on 2nd July, almost a year after diagnosis. Lloyd was the love of my life, my soulmate, my protector and my very best friend. I am absolutely heartbroken and beyond devastated. I’m so lost without him and feel like my life no longer has purpose.

Lloyd was only 56, I am 46. We had so many plans and dreams for our future. He truly was the other half of me and I don’t know how to begin being only one half of us. We were devoted to each other, inseparable since day one and did everything together.

He was my rock during my own cancer journey in 2017, and was diagnosed himself in 2018 shortly after I had finished my herceptin treatment. How can life be so cruel to us and our beautiful family?

I cared for my husband during his treatment over the last year, always trying to keep him positive, always hoping for the best. We promised each other that we would keep life as normal as possible for our sakes and for our daughters. Neither one of us wanted to leave the other with painful memories of days spent upset or down. I knew deep down that this day would come, but hoped with all my heart for a miracle.

Finding this forum and reading your posts has made me realise I am not alone with my feelings of devastation and loneliness. I keep expecting him to walk in the room, or to turn round and he’s there, and then I tell myself that will never happen as I was holding him when he passed.

I really don’t know how to go on without him. I will never get over losing my gorgeous man, and learning to live without him is going to take a very long time, if ever. I am totally broken.

Thank you for listening and for sharing your own heartbreaking stories. I feel a little less alone.

Mel xx

Hi Mel, 

Firstly I am so sorry for the loss of your wonderful husband, your story is similar to many of ours who post on this forum.

I am approaching one year without my husband and can honestly say you are feeling all the feelings that we have all gone through when we loose the love of our lives. We had been together 32 years and he passed quite quickly after his diagnosis, just 2 weeks! He too was the other half of me and we too made plans for the future and was beginning to have that wonderful time together, just the two of us as our son had moved out. It was not meant to be! Now I am on my own in a new home that we hadn’t long moved into with very little memories there as we were in our old home for 28 years. This was supposed  to be our new life. 

You will go through so many emotions through this journey without him, please go with how ever you feel on each day, I often sit and think how did I get where I am now, just being able to get up and dressed and make myself breakfast, and say yes to my dear friends invites, even if it is just a coffee and chat.

I have done it by realising I am not the only one suffering by reading posts on here and with love and support of good friends and family. You don’t have to be physically on your own but like most of us in our hearts I will always be on my own, that is a sign of true love!

I am sending you lots of love, there is so much support on here, use it and take some comfort that you are not alone, remember he is with you everyday in your heart and he will help you on your journey.

Debbie 51 xx

Dear Mel

I am so very sorry for your loss, my heart goes out to you! My husband passed in November 2016, he was also aged 56 and my complete rock and soul mate.  He was diagnosed with a small bladder tumour which very quickly metastasised and he died six months from his initial diagnosis despite having aggressive chemotherapy treatment.  

Even though we know deep down in our hearts that the day will come, it is still a complete shock when it actually happens because we always pray for a miracle, and because there is always hope when there is love.  I still find myself in a state of disbelief sometimes and I miss him terribly.  

My biggest comfort is that he went with me at his side knowing how much I loved him and I cherish the memories of our time together.

I know that you will be strong for your children because that’s what we do, and it helps us to get through it, and when you think that people around you might not understand how you feel, there are plenty here who understand exactly how you are feeling and what you’re going through so you won’t feel so alone.

A big hug to you, I feel your pain and wish you strength and comfort to get through xxx

ps. I’m also called Mel x

Dear Debbie, Mike and Mel

Thank you for taking the time to reply to my post and for your kind words. It is a comfort to know that I am not alone, and that there are people like yourselves that care enough to send messages of kindness and comfort to someone you have never met.

I am so deeply sorry for the loss of your loved ones, and feel your pain.

I am taking a day at a time, the same way I have lived my life for the last couple of years. I am blessed to be surrounded by family and friends who care very much for me, yet I feel so very lonely without my beautiful man.

I hope in time that I too can reach out the hand of friendship and compassion, and provide comfort as you have all done for me. Thank you all from the bottom of my heart.

Lots of love to you all

Mel xx

Hi 

i lost my husband on August 3rd 2019. The past year has been 

so distressing watching him suffer and not being able to help make him better. His treatment had been going in the right direction and then he suddenly went down hill rapidly. My 2 teenage daughters and I are devastated. The emotional pain I feel is unbearable and is getting worse as each day passes without him. I’ve cried every day and feel completely lost without 

him. He was only 52 and had so much more to give as a father and husband. I feel like I’ll never get over this and every day is

dark even though I try to carry on for my daughters.

 I know how you all feel and offer my support and hope there is some light at the end of the tunnel because all we can do is sink or swim.

zeb69

Hi,

I’m so very sorry for your loss, my heart goes out to you and your daughters - your husband was too young to be taken by this cruel and merciless disease.

In November it will be 3 years since I lost my husband and not a day goes by when I don’t think of him and miss him terribly.  For the first year all I could focus on was how much he suffered, how horrible his death was and how unfair it all was.  As the years have passed and life has continued I’m at the point now that I can remember him before his cancer and suffering, how happy we were together and how I know that he would want me to be strong and carry on and be happy again. 

I don’t think I will ever get over the loss of him, I still have tears and pain, it’s just not as often as it was and I focus on the rest of my family and the business that me and my husband built together which helps a lot. 

Being strong for your daughters and helping them with their grief will help get you through this and enable you to cope with your own grief and pain, and hopefully, in time the awful memories of your husband’s illness and suffering will be replaced with happier ones.

My thoughts go out to you now, be strong, but also be kind to yourself.  Take help wherever and whenever it’s offered, hugs to you and your family xxx

Thanks for your reply. It helps even a tiny bit to know 

that Im not the only one going through this awful misery 

and that nobody should lose their husband in such a cruel 

and tragic way

im glad you are getting on with your life and I appreciate your 

kind response

xx