Hi Smith1530,

I am so terribly sorry for the loss of your dear Mum. Although my reason for being with this forum is the loss of my beloved husband 9 weeks ago, I still remember clearly losing my darling Mum 7 years ago.

We lost my Dad 19 years ago with leukaemia, and together, my Mum, husband and I struggled through it. It was wful but we still had each other. I had always been a Daddies girl, but of course, when Dad died, my Mum and I became closer. I was an only child, with no children. So when my Mum died, I was devastated all over again. We had gone to Bognor Regis on the Thursday and had a lovely day out, the three of us. She seemed fine, but a little tired. She was 82 but a very fit 82, no illnesses and didn't take any meds. The next day, she came across in the evening to say goodnight, and that was the last time I saw her alive. I got up and went to work the next day, and got a phone call from my husband telling me to come home. I drove home to find the ambulance still there. My Mum had died the night before, while she was getting ready for bed. I still remember the shock. I kept saying over and over "but she was fine last night".

I don't know how I got through-it except I had my lovely husband by my side helping me. It struck me, I was now an orphan, the safety structure I had had all my life was gone. The two people in the world who loved me unconditionally were gone. It was so, so hard. I was off work for eleven weeks because I just couldn't function. It took a long time to come to terms with her death, especially as she hadn't been ill, it was a PE that took her. 

Gradually the grief did dull down a little, and I found myself able to think about her, without breaking down all the time, but it did take a long time. Seven years on, I still have her things in storage because I couldn't cope with dealing with them. 

Now with the death of my beloved husband, all the feelings have come flooding back. I want my Mum and Dad because they would have got me through this. But sadly life isn't like that. 

We all grieve differently, and for different lengths of time, and you just have to take one day at a time, and try to go on. That's what I am trying to do now. Death of loved ones is probably the hardest thing any of us will go through, but we don't have a choice. I don't know how I'm going to get through my latest loss, but I have to try.

Take one day at a time, do what you feel, shout scream, cry, whatever gets you through it is fine. There is no right way to grieve, and we all have to find our own path. 

Take care and much love from

Heather .x