Oh Esther, your post resonated so much, my birthday was 4 days after my mum passed away and dad bought me a card, just to read 'from dad' broke me, I know it's hard to just even get your head around what has happened. But in your grief you reach out to offer kind words to others going through the same situation, shows your strength and courage. I am ahead of you in this journey, a path we don't want to be on, I won't lie and say it's easy, far from it ....I liked these words from a card:-

'The river of grief is deep and wide but happiness awaits you on the other side and the love of those around you, will take you there'

x

Linda I’m dreading that exactly. My friends keep asking what I’ve got planned for it. I think they think if I do something for it, it will be a good distraction and they might be right but at the moment I just want to forget about it. It definitely doesn’t feel like something I should celebrate. Those words are lovely, thank you Linda I really hope that is case for both of us x

I’m having a bad day. My heart feels like it’s actually aching. I can’t stop crying. I thought things were getting better that I was finally learning to deal with everything. I don’t know what to do. I need to stay strong for my Mum. I don’t like leaving her alone but it’s all getting too much. I can’t cope 

Esther11 I am sorry you are having a bad day, I think that you are amazing but you are dealing with so much. I am hoping that amazing husband of yours will be home soon if not phone him and if you share exactly how you are feeling he could help you get the support you need. If your husband is not able to come to you contact the good inlaws you have I am sure they will want to help you. Please take care and know that you are being listened to and vent as much on here as you need to xxxx

Hi Esther11, hope you're ok and today has been 'easier.'...I know it isn't easy, it is just a horrible journey; all I can say is I still get good and bad days. We had dinner with dad last night and cooked one of my mum's favourite dishes, I think it made my dad sad and I felt awful. It was our office party tonight, I didnt go, doesn't seem right to be all 'jolly' and carry on as normal. You still want to shout out for the world to stop, why don't people realise how awful it is but the world doesn't stop and you have to keep going. You have so much to cope with, I understand the crying and sometimes it just comes over you like a wave, then, you just have to let it out. 

You mentioned it was your birthday this week, hope the day was/is ok.

Also, hope your mum's treatment is going well and she is as well as can be expected, it sounds as though you are a great support for her, I bet she is, as your dad was, very proud of you.

helpinganeighbour thank you for your message of support. It’s such a struggle I never realised it would be this difficult . My husband and in laws are really supportive . Thank you xoxo

Linda63 that’s exactly it. I’m so worried about my Mum. It would have been their 49th wedding anniversary next week and I don’t know how to help her. I’m with her everyday but my husband and friends think I should let her get use to being by herself without my Dad, I’m not so sure . It is crazy I just feel like the worlds passing me by. Everyone is excited, happy and looking forward to Christmas and then my Mum and I just want everything to stop.  

The funeral director came on my birthday so we had to arrange my dads funeral then. It was a lot to take on especially when right now small tasks seem so difficult. 

Since my Dad passed away I keep noticing my Mums symptoms more. Every little thing I’m worried about. My Mum has to have chemo the day before the funeral . I’m just really worried about her. Thank you Linda for you support I really appreciate it