Hello kkb.  I was so sorry to read about what you are suffering.  Your husband's death is still very recent and I am not surprised that you are grieving so desperately.    So often I read it is the best of people who are taken by this rotten cancer.  I have not had cancer myself but have lost many - far too many family and friends (my mother, my son's dad and a list of good friends and colleagues that is far too long).  Be a bit kinder to yourself; let your home get messy if you cannot face it - that is not important.  Stroke and talk to your cats; I have found that pets can be very comforting.  While it is still early days you may like to consider visiting your GP so that you can get a bit of rest sometimes.  Do you have family and friends with whom you can talk and lean on?  Talk (out loud or in your head) about things you want to say - I have found this a helpful thing to do.  Basically I am saying just do whatever feels right for you; there are no rules for grieving and there are no set time limits.     Jusst take each day as it comes and don't look ahead.  Please know you are very welcome to post here and talk with us as often as you like - I don't want you to feel alone.    Tell us a bit about your husband - his name, what he did so we can be with you as you grieve - if you would would like to keep in touch.  Annie