Hi,

My dad passed away on sunday following his disgnosis of gastric cancer 3 weeks ago. The cancer had spread to his liver and a number of other places by the time of diagnosis. Dad had always been known as the healthy one so it became a huge shock that he had cancer and that it had spread so much. We knew he wasn't well and he had severe back pain and was losing weight. Worst case scenario we thought it might be cancer of the spine and if that was the case it may be treatable, unfortunately this was not the case. He was still in good spirits and his aim was to come home and die in the comfort of his own home. He had refused treatment as the effects of the treatment were not worth extending his life by approximately 6 months or so. This was his choice and we supported that. The doctor did not give us an approximation of how long dad had left but he did say that the cancer was at an advanced stage. When Dad found out that he had cancer i witnessed him cry for the first time in my 33 years, this upset me a lot and it still does to this day. He always said he wasn't afraid of dieing but to see him cry told me otherwise. 2.5 weeks later we finally got my dad home, which we were happy with. The second day of him being back home, he began to be delirious and aggitated due to the pain. He was then put on a syringe driver. I didn't expect the syringe driver to sedate him so heavily so that he was unable to talk, eat or drink. The day before he had the driver fitted, he was sitting in his chair, chatting, laughing and being his normal self. From being like this to being technically paralised has effected me greatly. Euthensia is illegal in this country but by witnessing the effects of the driver, to me, it looks it's a slow inhumane way for my dad to see his last days. He ultimately died of dehydration which upsets me greatly as i watched him dehydrate and there was nothing i could do about it. I really wish there was a drug that could kill the pain but allow the patient to eat, drink and talk at the same time. I really hope this is something that is being worked on as i wouldn't wish anyone to witness what i witnessed. I stayed with him for 2 days and 2 nights before i broke as i could no longer mentally cope with seeing my dad slowly die, especially after seeing him upbeat 2 days prior to this. I said my final goodbye to him on saturday evening and he was making noises as if he could hear me, i really hope he could. I'd like to know other peoples thoughts on syringe drivers and the effects they have on the patients and their loved ones. To me, it begs the question as to whether euthanasia is a more humane way to die? Also, i'd be interested to hear about how people cope with the death of a loved one such as a father figure. I miss my dad so much already, he was my idol.