Bless your heart. My father passed yesterday’s we only found out he had Mesothelioma properly a few weeks ago. He had other issues too and had been poorly for a long long time. He was 81. My heart goes out to you. X

I’m so sorry to hear you have lost your Mum :(  I don’t have no advice to give because I’m currently going through a similar scenario with my Mum, she recently found out she is dying from cancer, she found out in August and I find it hard to watch someone suffer like that, least of all my Mum. I understand what you mean when you ask how a person can deteriorate so quick? I’m struggling to get my head around it myself. Sending lots of hugs and I hope you can find some strength. X

Hi Toriano 

My Mum passed in August .. Like your Mum, she was fit and healthy. She had a sebacious cyst removed and a biopsy revealed it was a secondary cancer. From that point to passing it was 7 weeks. But like you it was SO sudden. As soon as Mum was diagnosed she dismantled her life in Lincoln and was so active throwing things into a skip, boxing things to come and live with me. And then it feels like the cancer all of a sudden attacked and my beautiful, lively, healthy Mum, declined. Like you, if Mum was never going to beat this I am relieved her journey with it wasn't long, BUT .. I miss her. I miss her and I'm overwhelmed that she was alive and well in May for our birthday. And moved house in June, and was gone in August. I can't wrap my head around it, and it feels like the heart pain and emptiness I feel, is getting worse, not easier. 

I think as much as it might be a blessing that our Mums suffering was short, its still a massive trauma, to have not had the time to contemplate a life so suddenly without them.

I hope your holding up. Ive had a bad one today and sob until my face literally is numb. 

It's a morbid comfort to know we are not in this alone, and I am truly sorry at the same time, that any of us are in this boat .. Big love sent x

Hi kkkerry2, just wanted to say hello again and sorry to hear that you'd had a bad day, It is so up and down isn't it and when the wave hits you, it floors you.

My neice was telling me she was getting a hamper together for my dad for Christmas and read out a poem about Christmas in heaven and that broke me. Difficult to stop the tears and my poor husband feels helpless.

I keep thinking what mum would say but I want her to be here to say it, as Toriano said, very hard to get your head around it.

Seeing dad later, I don't want to be upset in front of him, I know he worries about me, he seems to be ok but I know he also keeps a stiff upper lip, I think that generation does. 2nd Dec would have been their 60 Year Annivesary, I might suggest a small family lunch out, not sure.

Sending my best wishes 

x

Hello Linda .. Thank you so much for checking in. I know that poem. I only came across it recentely. It's heartbreaking. And then I think how can it be, that I'm actually facing a Christmas in this world without my Mum .. How can any of this be. . I'm struggling really struggling .. None of us wanted and most of us couldn't forsee our journey this year. And yet here we all are, in a suffering reality with no other outcome to hope for. I keep getting the poem Stop all the clocks come up in my mind. I want to scream to the heavens but what is the point .. 

The confusing thing is also, that Christmas is another day like the one before, waking to the reality of what is.

Your dear Dad, putting on a brave face, having lost his other half of himself of 60 years. I want to say that December is a hard month for anyone of us without our loved one's, but then spring, and summer will hit and all of it is just going to be painful, Linda, I don't know what I would have done without Poppy, my Mum's dog. Honestly .. My friend sent me a post that said something like god won't let you experience all of this suffering without a ray of peace. Poppy soothes me. I hope you find your ray, which is due to you, in the moments after the waves have hit, and you've picked yourself up.

Sending you wishes of hope for less painful days.

xxx

Hello, 

I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my mum about 2 months ago, her battle was around 8 months long. she was diagnosed with lung cancer end of January and it was already quite advanced. We knew that it was incurable but nobody thought it would happen this fast - we thought at least a year. 

You are right about it being good that your mum was not in pain for too long, but it does not take away any of the pain you feel. :(

Always here to give support, all the best x