Welcome to Cancer Chat, Kelly94.

I'm very sorry to hear about the loss of your mum. On behalf of everyone here, I offer you our heartfelt condolences.

We have quite a few members who have been or are going through a similar experience and I hope that very soon some of them will come along to chat with you and offer support. Until then feel free to post as much as you need. We are here to listen.

Best wishes,

Renata, Cancer Chat Moderator

Thank you for the reply. I just feel so angry and still can't grasp that she's gone. She was only 48 when she died and although it was expected it happened so fast. I feel let down by the health professionals and constantly wonder what would have happened if the cancer had have been caught earlier. Just wondering if anyone else has been through anything similar

Hi Kelly, 

Firstly I'm so sorry for the loss of your mum and your nanna within such a short space of time, I can't begin to imagine what you and your family are going through. 

In March this year my sister was busy planning her wedding but went to the doctor with what she thought was a water infection, she was given a course of antibiotics, she took the tablets but the water infection did not subside, she went back to the doctors and was prescribed more, again they did not clear the infection. Then followed 3 months of trips to the doctors for repeat prescriptions, whilst asking that her treatment was escalated as she was in so much pain. A doctor told her he would send her for an ultra sound to ease her concerns in June - 4 weeks passed and the pain continued (my sister worked in the local hospital as an admin and enquired with the ultra sound clinic where she was on the list as she wanted to know their was light at the end of the tunnel) she was told that no refferal had been made by her GP. She went back to the doctors and a referral was finally made at the end of June 18 she was given a date to attend an ultra sound 4 weeks later. In the meantime she was in so much pain that she went to A&E however she was told that because she had an ultra sound already booked she would have to wait for that date. She finally had an ultra sound on the 20th July and was called to see a urologist on the 23rd July she had a 5cm tumour in her bladder. The operation to remove the tumour took place a week later however the cancer had spread higher into her bladder and into the bladder wall. Then after a another operation and a week in hospital followed two cycles of chemo. She was determined however to continue with her wedding and was married in October. She was told the day after returning from honeymoon that the cancer had spread to her liver. Another cycle of chemo followed but she passed away on the 18th November (5 weeks after her wedding) as the cancer had spread again (this time to her bowel and created a blockage). 

I too feel angry at the amount of time that went by from when my sister first went to the doctors to when she got referred correctly and wonder what if. In our case however the type of cancer that Alex had was extremely uncommon in females of her age and the demographic was 60-70 year old men. She also did not have any blood in her urine which would have been another sign. 

We knew that her diagnosis was not good but we thought until the day before she passed that we had much more time with her - I like you cannot take it in, we are all devastated and the only comfort I can take is that both myself and her husband was with her when she passed. 

Please take comfort in the days you got to spend with your mum before she passed away I'm sure you conveyed to her how much you loved her and what she meant to you. My sister was sedated on her final day but i still talked to her and read Harry Potter (her favourite book).

Cancer whatever type is a cruel invasive disease and I hate that it has deprived us both of being with someone we loved. However Im sure your mum would be so proud of you for sharing your feelings and hopefully getting some support on this site. It's okay to be angry, it's okay to cry the same as it's okay to share the great memories you have together, it's all part of the grieving process. Thinking of you and your family and although I cannot give you answers and have no chance of changing what has happenned I hope my message has shown that you are not alone x