Hi Annie77,

I only joined this forum yesterday, because I too have suffered a huge loss. I lost my darling Mum 7 years ago and remember the pain well, and now, just 4 weeks ago, I lost my partner and soulmate of 43 years to lung cancer. Although I have not felt angry with my parents or my John, I have felt anger at the doctors involved with my John. I feel they had enough symptoms to have diagnosed my Johns cancer a lot earlier, when he would have been well enough to tolerate chemo, instead of telling us when nothing could have been done. I have been told that anger is a normal part of the grieving process, and that although not everyone will go through it, a lot of people will. I can't give you any definite info, because I am so early in this process too, but it is said that however you feel is ok and normaI, and that we all have to work through it over time. I am sure you will get other more useful replies, but I just wante to say that hurting is the price we pay for love, and I am really sorry for your loss. Thinking of you.x

Hello thanks for replying to me my mum was diagnosed in June this year there was talk of chemotherapy but they then said she couldn’t have it and it would be palliative care me and my brother asked her doctor how long we were looking at and he replied cannot tell you she then had an appointment with her gp were we asked the question again and had the same reply the day mum died as she collapsed and was taken to hospital the dr treating her was good my heart broke into a million pieces as there was nothing they could do the a&e doctor told us the cancer mum had she would of only of had months so I’m so angry at mums doctor feel like he’s cheated us out of making memories I’m so sorry for your loss 

Hi Annie77

That's the awful thing about cancer. No 2 cases are the same. They can make guesses about how long a loved one has, and how the disease will go, but it it is as individual as the person who has it. My John was diagnosed in April, and was already too unwell for any treatment. He had numerous admissions for one thing and another, some when I didn't think he was going to get through, but each oh time he picked up, and was sent home. Each time they were surprised by his resilience and fight. Consequently, when he went in for what was to be his final admission in October, I found it hard to accept. But each time, until then, he went in, we both had the hope he would come out. I think if I had been told, he had 6 months, I may have been counting down the hours instead of trying to live, and he would have dwelled on the fact he was dying. Also, if they had told me he had six months, and he only got three, I would have been really angry and felt cheated as you do.  Another thing, is John and I had 6 months with his cancer and we made some memories, but believe me, some of them are not good. The times he got confused and got angry at me, the time I went out and he fell and couldn't get up, the fear I saw in his eyes sometimes, and  just seeing this strong independent man waste away before my eyes. I try to shut these memories out but they keep pushing their way through. Everyone wants different things, and I guess the doctors can only do what they think is right at the time. No cancer journey can ever be right because ultimately we are losing the loves of our life. We just have to tell ourselves that everyone, including us, did the best they could. 

Take care, and give yourself time, that's what I am trying to do. My motto is One day at a time. I cannot think of forever, it's too overwhelming.  XxxxxxxxxxX