Hello Ejayne

I'm so so sorry for your loss .. The thing that you, I and many many other's on this site have in common is, losing the most precious human being in our live's, and yet still having to be here for our other precious one's being our children. I lost my Mum in only 7 weeks after diagnosis. And I'm still reeling with grief and aching beyond comprehension for her. My daughter brought up the subject of Christmas only Thursday, which literally made me want to faint at the thought of Mum not being here, and yet I still have to go on without sharing anything again in physical form with her. I think for me I will go on to have the Christmas morning with giving presents to my children and new grandson, but I don't think I could possibly sit down to a Christmas feast or the trimming's. thats not to say I won't either. Its all so fresh in my mind, the diagnosis the pre chemo check, the chemo, the sepsis, the gone. Mums things all still here but no Mum. And yet the world keeps on turning. Its beyond thinkable but yet, we never know how strong we are, until being strong is the only option there is. Our Mum's will guide us .. sent with love and blessings

kerryx

Hi, I'm totally with you both on this I'm sad to say. My dad died 3 weeks ago and I still can't believe it's true that he's gone forever and I'll never see my favourite person in the world again. Althou no time of year is obviously good, I'm sad for my children (aged 7) and I'd usually be getting excited with them but this year, I really am only just managing to get myself dressed each day, let alone organising Christmas. I would like to go away somewhere where Christmas doesn't happen!! 

Take care

Sarah x

Hi Ejayne

first of all, I’m really sorry to hear about the loss of your mum. I, too, lost my mum back in August from stage 4 breast cancer and I can really relate to everything in your post! Nearly 3 months on, I’m still struggling to come to terms with it. My mum was my best friend, my go to person, and just my everything. And I’m a broken human being, just barely functioning on auto pilot mummy mode for my daughter. 

I was also with my mum to the very end, she died every early hours of the morning and that night haunts me every night because she suffered really quite badly. I also have an 8 year old daughter who adored her nanny and she’s a lot braver than me and I find that she is comforting me as she’s adjusted so well and talks very fondly about her. She even talks to her still as she’s still here - she’s literally my hero right now.

your not alone in feeling the way you do, although at times you feel that you are. I know I do - my dad and my sister have been amazing but I’m still finding myself pushing them away because there were certain things I could talk to Mum about and I just can’t with them. 

As for surviving Christmas, this is a question I ask myself everyday. We are only doing Christmas for the children in the family - my daughter and also my niece/nephew who is due in January. 

For someone who’s going through exactly what you are, my advice is to just take one day at a time.

my heart has never been so broken to the point of no return before so it’s all new to me but just do what YOU feel is right for you, grieve the way you want to and take some time to yourself to process and heal.. there’s no time restriction.

Ive learnt you can never ever get over the death of your mother, you can only accept it. I haven’t accepted it myself but I really hope that at some point in my life I Will.

Wishing you all the best

xx  

Hi Sarah .. Thank you for your response .. I honestly get what you also are saying. Everyday since Mum was diagnosed and since losing her, nothing has looked, smelt, felt or seemed the same as it was in my 'OLD' life. If I'm having the odd okay day, it's partially focused and the giant lump in my throat, which explodes into gushes of tear's, isn't as full on. Im so sorry about your dad. I lost my dad 25 years ago in a car wreck. It's eased, massivly, as I know time does that, whether we want it or not. Christmas back then, I remember as yesterday. I went to his grave, I had a Christmas dinner, and I functioned, thinking, it's only one day, one commercialised day to have to get through. Whatever I think I can manage on Cd, this year will be whatever it is. But I do hear Mum saying to me, tomorrow is promised to none of us, so love the ones we have and mourn but do, just keep on doing even a tad. Big love sent .. And please may god bless all of our lost and loved ones. Check out a Deborah Fisher, who offer's therapy but NOT for letting go .. x

I feel your pain, my mam died on 14th October (my birthday)  after being told she had roughly 6 weeks, she lasted 2 days, I’m traumatised by what happened when she passed away. I am having the same thoughts as you x

Hi first of all I’d like to say so sorry for your loss of your dear mum. I lost my mum in July aged 63. She passed away from vaginal cancer which spread to her kidneys. She suffered for nearly 3 years.  We were told we had months of not weeks with her but within 10 days she passed away at home with all her 5 children and loving partner cuddling her. I stayed with her for the whole 10 days only leaving her side to shower and eat. The end stages of her life will stay with me forever especially the last few days when every breath we thought it would be her last. I can understand every word you have wrote as it happened to us. We had my mums 64th birthday in September which was so hard and I’m dreading Christmas as my mum loved Christmas with her family. I have two children who I try and put a brave face on things everyday but when their in bed I break down terrible. I feel like everybody thinks everything is back to normal now and you carry on with how things were. I’m struggling and just don’t know how to cope. I’m sorry it’s not advice I give you but if you ever need to chat please don’t hesitate to contact me. Sending all my love to you and your family x