Hello MW101010 and welcome.  So sorry you are feeling so rough.  I know from losing both my own parents (some time ago now) that the period between the death and the funeral sort of carried you along with things to do and visitors but - after the funeral - you suddenly find yourself trying to get along the best you can and it ain't easy.    Please be assured that what you are feeling is natural; although we know in theory that our parents are likely to die before we do nothing prepares you for when it happens.    If you read through some of the posts on this forum you will find quite a few people having similar thoughts and pain to those you describe.  You might like to respond to some of their posts and discuss what you are going through.   The funeral was only yesterday, don't expect too much from yourself and don't take too much notice of people giving you good advice; they mean well but I know it can be difficult to smile and be pleasant.    Just take things one day at a time; there is no set timescale for grieving or the manner of grieving; you have to do what feels right for you .  I still "talk" to my mum both in my mind and sometimes out loud and I have bits and pieces (my parents wedding photo and other things) which keep my parents memory alive in my home.    Please feel you can come here at any time just to say how you are feeling and thinking about.  Once a little time has passed you may think it a good idea to change your job (not knowing anything about your situation I accept I cannot really comment) to something that will stimulate you.  Best wishes.  Annie

Hi I have not long buried my mum it's very numb still but I'm struggling with losing her and my own family as I just want to be with her. I use to ring her every single day and I can't now. It was unexpected what happened with my mum, we got her to a and e earlier than she was due a scan as she just didn't feel well. Got her to a and e and was told the same day mum was end of life......I can't help but blame our gp surgery as mum had been going for months only to be fobbed off it was thing after another. It wasn't until mums last visit where she seen a different gp that referred her for a fast track scan. I wasn't happy to wait up to 2 weeks so after the night mum was poorly I said to my family did waiting let's get her to a and e mum will get the scan quicker only we did that and got the blow. I'm really struggling right now and I don't quite know what to do or I do but I can't bring myself to do it. I work in a hospital and got sent there last week......I broke down as it was the first time I been there since my mum died. We buried my mum on the 7th feb xx

Hi I have not long buried my mum it's very numb still but I'm struggling with losing her and my own family as I just want to be with her. I use to ring her every single day and I can't now. It was unexpected what happened with my mum, we got her to a and e earlier than she was due a scan as she just didn't feel well. Got her to a and e and was told the same day mum was end of life......I can't help but blame our gp surgery as mum had been going for months only to be fobbed off it was thing after another. It wasn't until mums last visit where she seen a different gp that referred her for a fast track scan. I wasn't happy to wait up to 2 weeks so after the night mum was poorly I said to my family did waiting let's get her to a and e mum will get the scan quicker only we did that and got the blow. I'm really struggling right now and I don't quite know what to do or I do but I can't bring myself to do it. I work in a hospital and got sent there last week......I broke down as it was the first time I been there since my mum died. We buried my mum on the 7th feb xx