I am so sad to read your message

My mother is in the last stages of her life and I came on this site to seek support 

When I read your message, it brought a massive reality to what is about to happen to me

My mother is at end of life and yesterday she took a sudden downfall in her ability, I spent the day with her and the reailty that she will soon be gone is immense and overwhelming

I lost my father eight years ago and remember feeling completely numb for a long time afterwards. I had my mother to look after and she also gave me support whilst dealing with her own grief. This time however, there will be noone to cuddle me and tell me that it will be alright. At that time I lost my father, someone gave me a sense of belief and it did turn out to be really helpful and I shall use it again during these times ahead and moving forward from a wonderful bond which has been 'spoiled through death'
You have lost your mother, who has been part of your life from the moment you took your first breath ! It is understandable that you don't feel you have any future; food does not appear to taste the same, you probably feel that nothing will ever make you laugh again, skies seem dark and the sun will never shine for you. One day you will eat a meal and afterwards think - I can taste the ingredients in that food, you will watch television or see somthing funny and laugh (and probably cry after you have realised that you have laughed !) and you will look up at the sky and think what a lovely day ?! you will be sitting looking out from a window and the sun will almost blind you and the warmth will return to your cheeks

You have a long journey ahead without your mother and mine is coming very soon, and I so wish that I could stop this inevitability, I am also frightened because I know that I shall also feel the same way you are feeling right now - especially after a funeral when good intensions from  people, who promise continued support but in fairness have their own lives and leave you alone with your own feelings 

I feel certain that your taste for life, for sustenance, for blue sunny skies and stepping foward in the memory of your mother, will slowly give you back a life, without your loved one but with cherished memories and the ability to continue; with great memories and the confidence that the life your mother gave you is very much worth living x 

This is the view from my window as I write this message to you - stay strong x[[]]

I’m so sorry to hear about your Mum. I was in denial even when she was at that stage and it  was actually sudden, the doctors knew it was going to happen soon but even they didn’t expect it the day it happened. What’s worse is an hour before she kept repeating to me ‘let me go’ and didn’t say she loved me although I know she did and still does. I lost my Dad 8 years ago too but we weren’t close so it didn’t affect me like this has. It was always just me and my Mum and I feel lost and broken. I wish I could give you more support because I really feel for you for what you are about to go through. I’m crying so much right now as I write this. Spend as much time as you can with her. Xo

Dear MW x

My Mum finally died on 26th March 2019 and this is the first writing that I have faced since doling all the necessary stuff. I do hope that you are coping better and judging from the immense comments from others, I can see that there are obviously so many people who are thinking of you and feeling for you on this site. I hope that you are seeing things a little clearer through this support x

I wrote two poems on the final few days that she lived and have included them at the bottom of this message. Two weeks before Mum died, she discussed faith and told me did believe that she was going to be with my Dad, her husband of 48 who had died 8 years earlier. She did believe that she was going to join him and that he was waiting for her. This gave me a strength in letting go because part of my fear was that she would lose me, as well as the fact that i would defnitely be losing her ! I needed to go to the chemist to collect some drugs for her and as I walked back, I passed our family church ( we have lived in the area all our lives and my family from several geenerations are buried at this church). As I walk passed the noticeboard, the vicar's mobile telephone number was advertised. I felt compelled to telephone her and speak with her and explained our situation. She is not usually avaiable on the day I phoned but amazingly she happened to be avaiable. The vicar offered to visit with mum and our family. She came the next day and Mum was in a coma. We shared some prayers and anointed my mothers head with oil. It was a very comforting experience and assisted in me knowing that God was with her on her final journey. She passed away the next morning and her struggle for life was frighteneing at the time but I have since realised that she never wanted to give up. The same viar supported me through the following weeks and, since that day, I have attended the church. I have found immense strength and incredible support within the churches community and I am now attending a confirmation class (my parents did not have me christened because they were of the belief that I would need to make my own choices when the time was right for me). At the classes I have been amazed to meet younger people who for their own reasons, have chosen to strengthen their faith for their own reasons and through their individual turmoils. I have realised that, even from someone like me who never had strongest of faith, Life has some purpose for us, even through difficult times. I am not a bible–basher and have no intentions of preaching to anyone but I must say that I have found an incredible strength and purpose by accepting that through God, new directions and much good can come. There will be some who might say that I am merely filling the void of losing Mum but I do hope that others will agree that at a time of need, my faith and belief in a higher power gave me the support and strength. It has not stopped me crying and even this week, begging to be taken so that I can be rejoined with my mum. Feelingt hat life is not worth living (in spite of a wonderful husband who I love so much), I still sometimes wish that my own mortality comes very soon! At the class last night, we discussed parts of understanding our faith and the importance of "Mission" (spreading God's work to others), and so, rather nervously and almost reluctantly, I am reporting that someone or something is definitely with me on this journey of grief and loss and, if it is not God, I would like to know who is giving me inner comfort and the ability to continue ?

Here are my two poems

Love Mark x

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Dear MW x

My Mum finally died on 26th March 2019 and this is the first writing that I have faced since doling all the necessary stuff. I do hope that you are coping better and judging from the immense comments from others, I can see that there are obviously so many people who are thinking of you and feeling for you on this site. I hope that you are seeing things a little clearer through this support x

I wrote two poems on the final few days that she lived and have included them at the bottom of this message. Two weeks before Mum died, she discussed faith and told me did believe that she was going to be with my Dad, her husband of 48 who had died 8 years earlier. She did believe that she was going to join him and that he was waiting for her. This gave me a strength in letting go because part of my fear was that she would lose me, as well as the fact that i would defnitely be losing her ! I needed to go to the chemist to collect some drugs for her and as I walked back, I passed our family church ( we have lived in the area all our lives and my family from several geenerations are buried at this church). As I walk passed the noticeboard, the vicar's mobile telephone number was advertised. I felt compelled to telephone her and speak with her and explained our situation. She is not usually avaiable on the day I phoned but amazingly she happened to be avaiable. The vicar offered to visit with mum and our family. She came the next day and Mum was in a coma. We shared some prayers and anointed my mothers head with oil. It was a very comforting experience and assisted in me knowing that God was with her on her final journey. She passed away the next morning and her struggle for life was frighteneing at the time but I have since realised that she never wanted to give up. The same viar supported me through the following weeks and, since that day, I have attended the church. I have found immense strength and incredible support within the churches community and I am now attending a confirmation class (my parents did not have me christened because they were of the belief that I would need to make my own choices when the time was right for me). At the classes I have been amazed to meet younger people who for their own reasons, have chosen to strengthen their faith for their own reasons and through their individual turmoils. I have realised that, even from someone like me who never had strongest of faith, Life has some purpose for us, even through difficult times. I am not a bible–basher and have no intentions of preaching to anyone but I must say that I have found an incredible strength and purpose by accepting that through God, new directions and much good can come. There will be some who might say that I am merely filling the void of losing Mum but I do hope that others will agree that at a time of need, my faith and belief in a higher power gave me the support and strength. It has not stopped me crying and even this week, begging to be taken so that I can be rejoined with my mum. Feelingt hat life is not worth living (in spite of a wonderful husband who I love so much), I still sometimes wish that my own mortality comes very soon! At the class last night, we discussed parts of understanding our faith and the importance of "Mission" (spreading God's work to others), and so, rather nervously and almost reluctantly, I am reporting that someone or something is definitely with me on this journey of grief and loss and, if it is not God, I would like to know who is giving me inner comfort and the ability to continue ?

Here are my two poems

Love Mark x

[[]]