Hi MW I am genuinely sorry to read your post and believe although I cannot start to fully understand exactly your own feelings I hope you dont mind me telling you that I felt deeply that life wouldnt be worth living without my mum.  It is a little over 3 years since my mum died and there are still days when i feel it is all too much. But I remeber all she taught me and how precious life is and i manage to carry on. I even laugh at the fun times we shared. I never thought I would smile again. I wanted to shut myself away and indeed I did taking 9months off work and refusing to have people to my home or go out. My brother is ill now and Im finding it hard to cope but when I think of all he is having to go through, on top of his terminal diagnosis it makes me want to be strong for him, he amazes me daily. Inside Im terrified and want to bury my head in the sand but he is facing his mortality head on and I admire him. He inspires me. I havent posted much on here but I think sometimes just being able to express your emotions anonymously and without judgement helps in some small way. It is so very true you must literally take things hour by hour and then day by day. I too still talk to mum. Kind Regards. 

Thank you for taking the time to reply. I’m still very much in grief and think daily about taking my own life just so I can be with her again. I miss her so much it literally takes my breath away and I wish every day that I would not wake up. I have so many regrets even though gh I spent more time with her than most people do with their Mums. I feel like I can’t do anything  that my Mum would enjoy because it makes me sad and feel guilty that she can’t anymore. I don’t know what I’m going to do or why I should even try. I’m so sorry for your loss and for what your brother is going through. Xo

Hello again MW101010.  It is still relatively early days and you have a lot of grieving to get through - just take it as feels right to you.  Do not even think about taking your own life (please) - what would your mum  have to say about that?  (No, seriously, what would she say?)  The telephone number for the Samaritans is Freefone 116123; when you are feeling at your lowest give them a ring and they will help you.  Also of course come back here at any time if you just want to discuss your feelings.  You might like to also consider visiting your GP who may feel you would benefit from anti-depressants.   I think most of us have regrets when we lose a parent; I know I do.  We  (or "I" to be specific) take them for granted and when we become mums ourselves we realise just how much they did and sacrificed for us.  But mums love unconditionally.  Please keep in touch.  Annie

Hi MW101010,

I am very sorry for your loss, I know how awful you feel having lost my mum in September. It just isn't fair and the grief you feel can be as though somebody has ripped your heart out; to be so close and then not having her there is traumatic, I do understand. My mums funeral didn't really bring any closure just bought home how final it all was. 

It is obvious from your post how much you loved your mum, it won't feel like it now and the truth is, you'll never get over it but I do believe that you do reach a stage of acceptance and you will slowly start to not feel guilty about enjoying something that perhaps you shared together before and the memories won't be filled with sadness.

I try and think what my mum would say to me, I know she wouldn't want me to be so sad, it would break her heart, her faith was so strong and she had no fear of death, she used to have this saying..."not to worry"

There is a lady on the forum who says, the person is not gone, they're safely in your heart....I know my mum isn't here for me to hold but she's in my heart and I'm trying to be strong, I know she's here in spirit. Shane63 is right, day at a time.

Please take care of yourself,

x

Hi MW101010,

I am very sorry for your loss, I know how awful you feel having lost my mum in September. It just isn't fair and the grief you feel can be as though somebody has ripped your heart out; to be so close and then not having her there is traumatic, I do understand. My mums funeral didn't really bring any closure just bought home how final it all was. 

It is obvious from your post how much you loved your mum, it won't feel like it now and the truth is, you'll never get over it but I do believe that you do reach a stage of acceptance and you will slowly start to not feel guilty about enjoying something that perhaps you shared together before and the memories won't be filled with sadness.

I try and think what my mum would say to me, I know she wouldn't want me to be so sad, it would break her heart, her faith was so strong and she had no fear of death, she used to have this saying..."not to worry"

There is a lady on the forum who says, the person is not gone, they're safely in your heart....I know my mum isn't here for me to hold but she's in my heart and I'm trying to be strong, I know she's here in spirit. Shane63 is right, day at a time.

Please take care of yourself,

x

Thank you for your kind words, Im really trying to hold on xo