Hello, I lost my mum back in August I too am 27 and miss her so so much she was my best friend I did everything with her and any problems I had I would go to her. I don’t understand the point of life anymore. I am so angry I had my first daughter in June and my mum passed away when she was just 8 weeks old how is that even fair? She was with me through my whole pregnancy then all of a sudden randomly gets taken away from me. Life can be so cruel ! :(

Im so sorry for your loss, and how quick it all was x Always hard for anyone no matter what age. 

I think when I lost her of course I grieved, but I had a lot of people around me, I was going out and enjoying myself. Now we have all grown up and moved on with our lives I think ive come to the realisation that mums are the only person we truly have forever. She wasnt my bestfriend before she died because I was young and finding myself I didnt think I needed her. Now I see all my friends doing everything with their mums and I just wish that that could be me. 

I dont have many friends and I dont like to talk to people about my problems but if my mum was here I'd have somebody. Id have a bestfriend who could walk through life with me. 

I just wish I could have shown her how much I appreciated her and that I wasnt just always going to be a hormonal teenager. I wish she knew the woman I am today. I just feel like im feeling all the grief now that I should have felt when she was first taken away from me. I feel bitter that she doesnt get to experience any of my best days, never gets to meet my children. Its been nearly 4 years now and it just seems to be getting harder. 

Thank you though, I know I shouldnt be thinking theres no point to life, I know she wouldnt ever want me thinking that and I have been talking about counselling for a while now, so thank you for that, definitely something Im going to look into. Sometimes its just nice to get it off your chest. 

Sending all my love xx

dear annastasia

this is such a sad sad post to read. Im so truly sorry. i hope that you take from this site the consolation that you aren't on your own in losing your precious Mum and you find some sort of comfort in this.

Bless you . It's so unfair x

Oh i'm so sorry :( it must be hard trying to grieve whilst caring for a new born but take comfort in the fact that your mum got to meet your baby girl as one thing what will always trouble me is that mum won't meet mine. :(

Was your mums journey short? Mum was only diagnosed back in June so I didn't have much time to wrap my head around the diagnosis and it really was an emotional rollercoaster, I have spent the past few months in an uncontrollable, confused daze.

Mum was my best friend too, I am trying to stay strong for mums partner and my big brother as they both tend not to deal with their feelings in the most positive way but I keep waiting for the day where i fall apart. How can it be that we have to go through the rest of our lives without seeing our beautiful mums again :(. I try to comfort myself by thinking she can hear everything i can say and is no longer struggling, when mum ended up in the palliative care unit 5 weeks before she passed she could no longer walk or even stand and I dreamt that she was dancing a couple of nights after she passed - she looked so happy and i really hope that was a sign. You're a couple of months further down the line than me and i am so scared that things are going to get so much worse, i suffer from depression and anxiety already and in amongst all the trying to stay strong and being positive there is a niggle in my mind that my life will never be truly happy again. xx

Hey, 

I'm in a pretty similar situation, I lost my mum 5 years ago now just before I turned 15 to Leukaemia. I recently turned 20 & I feel the exact same things as you. My 18th was hard because I know she would have made it special, like you my family don't really talk or share feelings so I couldn't tell anyone how upset I was that she wasn't there for it. My dad is amazing but still doesn't do things my mum would have like all my friends mum's did on their 18th, like get an 18 mug and silly bits like that, so I've got nothing to remember my 18th by. I find it hard to be annoyed by any of it though because my dad is grieving too, but it's still difficult even little things like that. So I know how strange it is to not have her around for big birthdays. 

I didn't let myself griev when it happened, she passed away on a Sunday and I went back to school 4 days later because I was mid way through GCSE's and didn't want to get behind. Then I went straight to college and straight to uni from there so it's been non stop with new people and new things. Now I'm in my last year of uni, I've got a lot of time to myself & it's all starting to hit. 

If you ever want to talk to anyone who's going through it too then please drop me a message, don't feel like you have to go through this alone. You can do it

Emily x

Hi Anastasia

This has happened to me exactly the same. My first child was born and my mum died just 5 weeks later out of no where I am so lost without her