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Two year anniversary of losing my mum

EmmaB16
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Its been two years since i lost my mum to  Leukaemia but feels like only yesterday that i lost the one true person i could whole heartedly rely on in life.  She was my best friend.  We were told that after 4 rounds of chemo that she would be coming home two weeks after that i was told there wasnt anymore they could do for and she died just 6 weeks after being diagnosed.   It was just all so sudden and unjust!   The worst thing is that i wouldnt admit that there was even an incling that she would leave us so i never got to really talk to her about the things i should of and to tell her how much i love and respect her.   I wish I could go back and make the Doctors try harder not to let her go, i just wish i had done something.  Its literatly killing me inside not being able to talk to her, for a brief moment i forget and go to call her and then it hits me like a tonne of bricks!

The worst thing is that i have a 6 year old who im so afraid as he gets older wont remember her as he seems to be forgetting lots of things pre 4 yrs old.  it breaks my heart that i cant tell her how well he is doing at school. 

i just feel so alone no one comforted me like my mum and im just lost without her.  

 

 

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    Hi Emma, I wanted to reply and say how sorry I am for your loss. My mum passed away 5 weeks ago from Myleofibrosis. I am going through the 'if only's and how I would do things differently but you can't beat yourself up about what may have been.

    It comes through in your post how much you loved your mum, I always say you don't need to hear the words to know and feel that a person loves you.

    I have a 4 year old great neice and her memories will be faint of her great-grand-mother but we will all tell her how much Apor ( chinese for granny!) loved her, how much joy and laughter there was and point her out in the photo's.....

    I can relate to your comment about being lost and alone, it is strange as I have a loving husband and close to my dad, brother and family but grief is individual and I guess we deal with it in our own way, no right or wrong way, whatever we feel is normal.

    I hope it gets easier for you.....and for me, a day at a time.

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    Hello Emma

    I can relate to everything you say....  My Mum was diagnosed with Stage 4 Pancreatic cancer on 2nd January 2018 and she died on 31st January.  It was so quick and heartbreaking to watch Mum fade away.  We had no warning. Me and my sister spent January with Mum at home as that was her wish.  Mum was talking up until Sunday 28th January but I also regret not having some of the convesations, I spent so much time looking after her and making sure she was comfortable that we never really said Goodbye.  I agonised over this for months and had many sleepless nights but then I realised that saying Goobye would have been the hardest thing we ever had to do.  I live in the South and Mum lived in Derbyshire and when ever we visted Mum she always used to say she hated saying Goodbye so gradually I started to feel better and this forum has helped me so much.  Take care

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