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Linda63
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I wanted to post as haven't had a great day and I know people here will understand. 5 weeks tomorrow since mum passed away and I seem to be going backwards with how I feel. I'm not going to ask when it will get any easier as appreciate we're all different but physically, you feel like your insides have been ripped out. It's almost like its just sinking in that I won't see mum again, sitting in the kitchen as I am sure my husband is getting tired of my sadness.and doesn't want to hear me talking about it. This is feeling sorry for myself, I want to 'get used to it', mum's died and that's life, nothing unique has happened to me. I'm just finding it so hard. Sorry to sound off, somebody said that grief was selfish, maybe it is but it still feels painful. I was just looking at photos of mum and my family last Christmas, can't get my head around she's not here.

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    Hi there , it’s only been a few weeks and still very raw . Downplaying it won’t make it any less painful . I really hope your husband is more supportive than you think but sometimes people need to be told how to behave when someone is grieving , otherwise they feel awkward and unsure . The death of your mother is  a profound experience which hurts you at the core of yourself . 

    My mum died almost 8 weeks ago , her death was horrible and life altering and very original to me . I asked my husband yesterday to help me to talk about her dying in the hospice as if I try to block it out I feel I might go crazy . In fact my younger brother had to spend 3 weeks in a psychiatric hospital starting the day after mould death and that was party as a result of a family member telling him to «  man up «  and basically get over it and be positive !!!’

    my advice to you is embrace this time of grieving it’s yours and it is intimate and unique to you and seek out people who will listen to you ..

  • Offline in reply to Angel27

    Thank you Angel27 for your reply. I am so sorry for your loss. I am hopeless at the moment for offering any words to help or advise but I wanted to say thank you. I hope also that your brother is coping as well as can be expected in the circumstances.

    Quite a few people say that initial memories are of the last days and moments but at some point we will remember happier times, I do understand though when you say you want to talk about what happened. The guilt is what I find hard to rationalize with the'if only's and whether I did enough. 

    My brother lives with my dad and said he saw a butterfly on the landing, how strange to see a butterfly actually in the house, he picked it up and took it to the window, he said it stayed in the palm of his hand for a good few moments, then flew away. He didnt think anything of it, the window was open, it flew in, I am grasping at straws and maybe somehow it was a sign from mum.

     

  • Offline in reply to Linda63

    Aw ! I definitely think that was a sign :) the actual dying of someone so close really tests our belief in an afterlife !! So I’m taking any sign i can :) But I really hope and pray our mothers are at peace and happy somewhere other. 

    I left my life abroad to go and live with my mum and organise hospice care so thankfully I don’t have any regrets in that sense . But , I go back years in my mind and there are always things to regret our just practice being kind to yourself . That’s what I’m trying . We loved each other deeply and still do and I will hold on to that . I wish you peace going through this process :) 

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